Sunday, October 27, 2013

Things Women Don’t Want Men to Know



#1 Girls Love Sex Just as much as Men
Despite what they say, all women love sex just as much as men do. We have seen our whole lives in movies and TV Shows that it’s always the man that tries to influence the girl to have sex, when in reality girls are thinking about sex just as much as men are, but just don’t talk about it. The reason is that women known to think of sex all the time are seen as promiscuous, which is an evil thing in their eyes. But to guys it’s what we can’t stop talking or thinking about!
#2 Girls Fart Too
When no one is around, girls will let one rip. They will be long, loud, and super stinky, just like men’s farts! Some women say they do not fart and that they just don’t ever need to, which is a load of crap! Every animal in this world needs to excrete gas! And it will eventually come out one way or another.
#3 Women love to pee outside
The good majority of women would prefer to pee outside, or in the shower or even the bath tub in some occasions. Yes that’s right, the bath tub. Remember they shave their legs while they are in the bath, so they can also bathe in their own hair. But women would just prefer to pee like men in reality.
#4 95% of All Women Masturbate
As soon as all people leave the house, including the boyfriend or husband, kids go to school, partner goes to work, and knowing no one is going to walk in on them girls will masturbate. And it’s not because they are not satisfied with their partners, usually it’s because they want to experiment without being embarrassed of not doing something properly, or just simply want to learn something new on their own. Sometimes girls do it while someone is still home, but it’s usually done in the shower or the bath.
#5 They Sniff Your Things
When girls are in love, they will sniff your shirts, pillows, jocks, even socks! If you get out of your room to go to the toilet, be sure she’s not only smelling your stuff, but checking your drawers, checking your phone, freshening herself up (perfume, baby wipes, make up, lip gloss!) And if men were to come in and see their girl doing this, girls would be SUPER embarrassed!
#6 They Will Dress For Your Friends
As much as you will hate to hear it, your girl will actually dress up for your friends rather than you. They secretly wish for your guy friends to want to sleep with them, and most times when you go out they will 90% dress up for your friends rather than you, as she’s already won you so doesn’t need to impress anymore. They don’t really want to sleep with your friends, but they just want them to want to sleep her. Girls love to be wanted when they can’t be taken!
#7 Girls Love it when you Get Jealous
Girls love it when you get jealous. So whenever you are walking around at a party or a club and she sees one of her guy friends, she’s going to make sure she gives him a big hug and a kiss, and have a nice “Hey How you Going babe?” reaction, while the guy friend gets all flirty not knowing that you are her boyfriend and watch you stand there with a dull face. They are just waiting for the “Who was that guy?” question, which makes them feel all warm and fuzzy that you care and you are protective.
#8 Girls will always check in on Their Exes
Girls will regularly see what their ex boyfriend is up to on Facebook, emails or texts whenever they get the chance. It doesn’t matter how long it has been, so long as they have access to a computer, their ex will never completely be out of their mind or lives, especially if he took her virginity. It’s not like they still love or like them, they are just curious to see what they are doing and who they have ended up with. Not to mention they will constantly stalk your own Facebook even more!
#9 Girls Do Bad Things when you’re Not Looking
Be very careful the old ‘girls night out’ or ‘just a few drinks’ with the girls” tactic. This essentially is a free ticket to be “single” again under the radar! They do bad things that you wouldn’t approve of like tell all their friends about your embarrassing secrets that she promised never to tell anyone! She will probably light up a cigarette, or even take some other things she shouldn’t. She will DEFINITELY get out of control drunk like you have never seen before, and most likely when she tells you that she told that guy to “piss off” after he was grinding on her butt on the dance floor, she actually allowed it!
#10 She Might Be Using You
If you are a total idiot or a douchebag, but you are good looking and are very good in bed, she will continue to date you for a while but there will come a point where she will break up with you, because no matter how good you are in bed, she does not want to marry an idiot douchebag. Having brains and being a nice gentleman will always destroy looks and a talent in bed. After all, teaching a man a few tricks in bed he can learn over time anyway.
#11 What Girls Do on a First Date?
Most girls want to sleep with the guy on the first date. Only because they want to see firstly how good it’s going to be, and whether there is a bond or form of chemistry that she thinks she could do with forever, or sometimes they are just plain horny and haven’t been laid in a while! But at the same time if they like what they see, they will have to be judged and will fear that you won’t respect her if she sleeps with you. So it’s a win lose situation. Alcohol usually influences the decision in the end!
#12 No to Kids!
The very first time a guy says to a girl that he doesn’t want kids, 99% of the time it’s an immediate no and she will say NO DEAL to you and move along. Just about all women who are capable of having kids will WANT kids, and if you say no, then no matter how good looking or rich you are she will have to move along!
#13 Women are Bi
There’s a reason why girls make out with other girls when they get drunk, because they want to! If they are attracted to their friends then they may find it fun to make out with them, but would need a few drinks for the ‘excuse’ of ‘we were drunk’ or ‘we did it for the guys’. It’s a known fact that most girls find other girls sexy, but the thing is girls don’t like to be known for being into other girls, so it takes a bit of alcohol to get it out of them!

Thursday, October 10, 2013

THOMAS COOK VACATIONS COMPLAINTS





THESE ARE ACTUAL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED BY
"THOMAS COOK VACATIONS" FROM DISSATISFIED CUSTOMERS:

1. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.

2. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallarta to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time - this should be banned.

3. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food.

4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price"

5. "The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room.

6. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow.

7. "They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax.

8. "No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared.

9. "Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers.

10. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish.

11. "The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun.

12. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair.

13. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends' three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller.

14. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the resort'. We're trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service.

15. "There were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners.

16. "We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning.

17. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel.

18. "I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes."

19. "My fiancé and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked.

Saturday, October 05, 2013

The Assholes at the Police Station

 
A poor guy used to write in a piece of paper everyday GOD I’m in need for 50 thousand dollars’ and attach it to helium balloon and let it go, and every time he does that it used to drop in a nearby Police Station.

One day, the guys at the Police Station decided to help this poor guy. They managed to gather 25 thousand dollars and went to his door and gave him the money, telling him that this package is from GOD.

The guy took the money into the house, and wrote a new message and attached it to a balloon and as usual it landed at the police station, written in it: “My Lord, thank you for the gift, but the assholes at the police station took half of it!”