شر البليـّة ما يضحك

سمكة من لبنان
يروى أن صياداً عاد إلى زوجته وهو يحمل سمكة كبيرةطالباً منها أن تقليها في الزيت فاعتذرت له الزوجة لأنها لا تملك زيتاًبسبب ارتفاع سعر الزيت فطلب منها الصياد أن تشويهافاعتذرت له بسبب عدم وجود فحم وارتفاع سعر أنبوبة الغاز في الأسواقفطلب منها أن تطبخها مع الصلصة فلما علم أن سعر كيلو الطماطم قد وصل إلى دولارأخذ السمكة وألقاها غاضباً في البحر مرة أخرى فهتفت السمكة وهي في الماء
يعيش السيد حسن
يعيش ، يعيش ، يعيش

Lebanese President

When Sheikh Amine Jemayel was elected president we discovered that Lebanon could be ruled by anyone. When he left it for General Michel Aoun we discovered that Lebanon could be ruled by anyone, even a mentally retarded. When (ra7amaho Allah) Mr. Elias Heraweh was announced we knew that Lebanon could be ruled by anyone mentally or physically retarded. Finally we became 100% sure after 9 years of Lahoud’s posing as president, that Lebanon doesn’t need a president at all.

Truck for Sale

BEER CONTAINS FEMALE HORMONES

Last month, National University of London, England scientists released the results of a recent study that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough bee!!!urn into women.
To test this theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer within a 1 hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects?
1) Argued over nothing
2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong
3) Gained weight
4) Talked excessively without making sense
5) Became overly emotional
6) Couldn’t drive
7) Failed to think rationally
8) Had to sit down while urinating
No further testing was considered necessary!!!.

Shaker el Absi Vs Michel Aoun

- Shaker El Absi fought till the last minute, while Michel Aoun surrendered in the very beginning.
- Shaker El Absi made sure to check his wife and kids are safe before worrying about himself, while Michel Aoun ran away and left his family behind.
- Shaker El Absi tried to escape with all his fighters and died with them, while Michel Aoun escaped for himself, and left them fighting and dying alone.
All the above and Shaker El Absi is a terrorist, while Michel Aoun was the Prime Minister & Commander in Chief of the Lebanese Army!

Lebanese in Hell

The angel Gabriel came to the Lord and said "I have to talk to you. We have some Lebanese up here in heaven that are causing problems. They're swinging on the pearly gates, my horn is missing, they are wearing Dolce and Gabanas instead of their white robes, their riding BMW's instead of the chariots, and they're selling their halos to people for discount prices. They refuse to keep the stairway to Heaven clear, since they keep crouching down midway eating sunflower and watermelon seeds and smoking arguileh. Some of them are walking around with just one wing!" The Lord said, "Lebanese are Lebanese. Heaven is home to all my children. If you want to know about real problems, call the devil." The Devil answered the phone, "Hello? Damn, hold on a minute." The Devil returned to the phone, "OK I'm back. What can I do for you?"Gabriel replied, "I just wanted to know what kind of problems you're having down there."The Devil said, "Hold on again. I need to check on something." After about 5 minutes the Devil returned to the phone and said, "I'm back. Now what was the question?" Gabriel said, "What kind of problems are you having down there?" The Devil said, "Man I don't believe this.......Hold on."This time the Devil was gone 15 minutes. The Devil returned and said, "I'm sorry Gabriel, I can't talk right now. Those damn Lebanese have put out the fire and are trying to install air conditioning!!!

Syrian Intelligence

القت المخابرات السورية القبض على مواطنين سوريين، (بعد إعلان نتائج الإنتخبات الرئاسية في سوريا، وبعد الفوز المفاجئ للرئيس بشار الاسد حفظه الله). وكما صرح المتحدث الرسمي للرئاسة فقد كانا يدبكان في احد الإحتفالات ولاكن ليس من قلبهم.

MAN WITHOUT AN EMAIL

A jobless man applied for the position of "office boy" at Microsoft. The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test. "You are employed" he said. "Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start". The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither an email." "I'm sorry", said the HR manager, "If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job."The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the operation three times, and returned home with $60.The man realized that he can survive by this way, and started to go every day earlier, and return late. Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day. Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles. 5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US. He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance. He called an insurance broker, and chose aprotection plan. When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked himhis email. The man replied, "I don't have an email". The broker answered curiously, "You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!!"The man thought for a while and replied, “Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!"Moral of the story: M1- Internet /email is not the solution to your life.M2- If you don't have internet / email, and work hard, you can be a millionaire.M3- If you received this message by email, you are probably already an office boy/girl, and not any close to being a Billionaire...
Have a great day!!!P.S - Do not forward this email back to me, I' m closing my email & going to sell tomatoes!!!

ZULULU HATTALMAOUT

GHOST CAR

جرت احداث هذه القصه في بلده صغيره قرب مدينة موسكو الروسية حتى ولو بدت احداث هذه القصه كقصص الخيال لكنها حقيقيه هذا رجل كان واقفا على جانب الطريق ينتظر ان توصله سياره عابرةفهو يريد الذهاب للبلده المجاوره في ليلة شديدة الظلام في وسط العاصفه الليل مر ببطء ولم تمر هذه السيارة عابره مرت ساعات وساعات وهو واقف كانت العاصفة شديده والليل حالك لم يكن يستطيع ان يرى مكان قدميه اخيرا وبعد طول أنتظار مرت سيارة تسير ببطء كانها شبح شبابيكها سوداء خرجت من خلف الظلام وبلا أضواء مرت ببطء متجهة اليه حتى توقفت أمامه ركب الرجل داخل السيارة واغلق الباب مبتسما فجأة شاهد مالم يتوقعه ابدا لا يوجد سائق لهذه السياره السيارة بدأت تتحرك ببطء مرة اخرى بدأ الرعب يدب في قلب الرجل وبدأت السياره تسرع قليلا اقتربت السياره من منعطف خطير جدا الرجل بدا يدعو ربه من اجل البقاء على قيد الحياة لا محالة السياره سوف تخرج عن الطريق وسوف يواجه الموت ! فجأه قبل المنعطف بقليل دخلت يد من النافذه وامسكت الدركسيون وقادت السياره عبر المنعطف بأمان اصبح الرجل فرحا مع بقاء الخوف والرهبه في داخل قلبه الرجل اصبح يرى اليد تدخل من النافذة مرات عدة كلما وصلوا إلى احد المنعطفات اخيرا قرر الرجل الهروب من السياره ففتح باب السيارة وقفز منها ولاذ بالفرار وذهب الى اقرب بلده وكان مبتلا وفزعا ذهب الى احد البارات وبدأ يخبر قصته المخيفه والمرعبه للجميع بعدما تأكدوا من هيئته انه غير سكران او ناقص العقل وكان الجميع ينصت للقصه في اثناء ذلك وبعد حوالي نصف ساعه دخل رجلان الى نفس البار وعندما شاهدوا الشخص المرعوب قال احدهما للاخر
مو هاد الاهبل يلي ركب بالسيارة ونحنا عم ندفشها

Vote Abul Meesh

A woman skiing in Faraya fell down on her butt and couldn’t stand up. For a couple of minutes people where passing by, but nobody helped or even bothered to ask if she was OK. Until Michelle Aoun was passing by so he stopped and helped her up and made sure that she was ok (Insen 3azeem Abul Meesh). She was so grateful and wanted to return the favor, so she asked him what she could do for him in return. He refused for a minute but she insisted, “well” said Aoun you could vote for me the coming elections? Well the woman paused for a second, looked at him with a surprised face, and said: Mr. Aoun “habibi inta” I only fell on my butt not on my head, good day!

Aouni Chicken

واحد عوني راح يشتري دجاجة
العوني: بدي شي دجاجة ع زوقك
ألبائع: بدك ياها قوات او عونية؟
العوني: اكيد عونية، ولو
بعد دقائق من التفتيش
ألبائع: هيدي دجاجة عونية يا إستاز
العوني: شكراًً، بس كيف عرفتا انا عونية؟
ألبائع: كلَون كانوا عم ياكلوا حبوب اللا هيدي كانت عم تاكل خرا

A Saudi being interviewed at the US Embassy for Visa....

COUNSEL: "Your name, please"?
SAUDI : "Salem".
COUNSEL: "Sex?"
SAUDI : "Always".
COUNSEL: "I mean male or female?"
SAUDI : "Both male & female and sometimes camels".
COUNSEL: "Holy cow!"
SAUDI : "Yes, cows too".
COUNSEL: "Sir, isn't that hostile?"
SAUDI : "Horse Style, dog style, any style!
COUNSEL: "Oh dear!"
SAUDI : "Deer!! No deer, they run fast."

HOW TO GET A JOB? THE LEBANESE WAY

Bill Gates decides to organize an enormous session of recruitment for a new chairman for Microsoft Europe. The 5000 candidates are all assembled in a large room. One of the candidates is Fadi Khoury, a Lebanese guy Bill Gates thanks all the candidates for coming and asks that all those who do not know JAVA program language rise and leave.2000 people rise and leave the room. Fadi Khoury says to himself - "I do not know this language but what have I got to lose if I stay? I'll give it a try".Bill Gates asks all the candidates that those who have never had experience of team management of more than 100 people rise and leave. 2000 people rise and leave the room. Fadi Khoury says to himself - "I have never managed anybody but myself but what have I got to lose if I stay?What can happen to me"? So he stays. Then Bill Gates asks all the candidates who do not have excellent management diplomas to rise and leave. 500 people rise and leave the room.Fadi Khoury says to himself - "I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose if I stay? So he stays in the room.Lastly, Bill Gates asks all of the candidates who do not speak the Serbo-Croat language to rise and leave. 498 people rise and leave the room. Fadi Khoury says himself - "I do not speak Serbo-Croat but what the "Hell! - Have I got anything to lose?" So he stays in the room. He finds himself alone with one other candidate - everyone else has gone. Bill Gates joins them and says: "Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo-Croatian, so I'd now like to hear you both have a little conversation in that language!Calmly Fadi turns to the other candidate and says to him: "Keifak ya eir"...The other candidate answers: "Kol khara ya manyouk……"

Bad Day!

If you’re having a bad day, just imagin this:
You’re a Siamese Twin.
Your brother, attached at your shoulder, is gay.
You’re not.
He has a date coming over tonight.
You only have one ass.

MISS POSITIONING

A city cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little Girl stopped beside him on her shiny new bike.Nice bike," the cop said, "Did Santa bring it to you " "Yep," the little girl said, "He sure did!"The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $20 ticket for a safety violation, saying, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it."The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you " "Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top.

قرد لم تعرفه الطبيعة

How does General Aoun commit suicide?

He jumps from the level of his ego to the level of his I.Q.

ABADAYAT IL TAYYAR

IN THE YEAR 2008

AND WE THOUGHT LAHOUD WAS STUPID

AOUN & TECHNOLOGY

THE ORANGE DISEASE

SAMIRA'S BROTHER

A car accident occurs in Hamra Street; each driver goes down and starts shouting and they start beating each others. Suddenly, one of the drivers stops and looks at the other and says: lahza, ana wein sheyfak??? enta ... enta mesh khayya la Samira el sharmouta??? So, the supposedly brother of Samira starts beating the other once again... They take him to the Hbeish... there the officer asks him what happened… While he was telling the story, the officer asks him: lahza, ana wein sheyfak??? enta ... enta mesh khayya la Samirael sharmouta??? So, the supposedly brother of Samira starts beating the officer. They take him to the Ministery of Justice; there, the Minister asks him what happened... while telling the story, Minister Looks at him and says: lahza, ana wein sheyfak??? enta ... enta mesh khayya la Samira el sharmouta??? So, the supposedly brother of Samira starts beating the Minister...
They take him to the Palace... There, he meets Lahhoud; while telling his story, Lahhoud interrupts him and says: lahza, ana wein sheyfak??? enta ... enta mesh khayya la Samirael sharmouta??? So, the supposedly brother of Samira starts beating the President... They take him to Syria... last chance for him There, Bashar meets him: "they told me you completely lost your mind and dared beating the Lebanese President..." The man starts again telling his story when Bashar looks at him and says: Lahza, ana sheyfak... enta ... enta... enta kent bil mouzahara maa 14 azar.... bel down town... enta men tayyar Lmostakbal?
The man answers: la sidna, la.... ana khayya la Samira el sharmouta......

A LETTER WRITTEN BY A JUNKIE TO ZAVEN

(THE FAMOUS TALK SHOW 'SIRI WIN FATAHETT')
Dear Zaven,
I am a crack dealer in Basta who has recently been diagnosed as carrier of the HIV virus. My parents live in the suburb of Beirut (al-Dahiyeh) and one of my sisters, who live in Jounieh, is married to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana in their small garden and are currently dependent on my other two sisters who are prostitutes in Maameltein.I have two brothers. One is currently serving a non-parole life sentence at Roumieh for murder of a teenage boy in 1994. The other brother is currently being held in the Trablos Jail on charges of neglecting his three children. I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in Jiyeh and, indeed, is still a part-time "working girl" in a brothel.
My problem is this: I love my fiancée and look forward to bringing her into the family and of course I want to be totally honest with her.
Should I tell her about my uncle who voted for Michel Aoun?

Signed,
Worried About My Reputation

IRAN = ?

TAYYAR EDUCATION SYSTEM

TEEZ MEEN?

Wain kint?, w ma3 meen kint?, w shu kint lebis?

THE TROIKA

What’s common between the three?

- All were born poor.
- All lived in a bad environment.
- All are totalitarians.
- All look stupid in the half mustache.
- All made wars and are willing to make wars without asking the others.
- All are willing to eliminate the other.
- All are willing to sell there mothers for a chair.
- All have psychic history.
- And soon both will end the same way Hitler did.

Where will al-tayyar al-Aouni be in 2007?

Guess and win a place for two in the tayyar.
Here is the information you could use to solve the riddle.

Fall 1988: Aoun is an ally with his Christian brothers The Lebanese forces (Al-Tahalof Al-Masihi)
Spring 1989: Aoun is killing his Christian brothers The Lebanese Forces (Harb al ilghae)
March 1989: Aoun is killing his enemies The Syrians (Harb el Tahrir)
Oct 1990: Aoun is kicked by Salim el Hoss, and Syrians out of Lebanon (Al Tat-heer)
1991 – 2005: Aoun against Syrian existence in Lebanon, any other arms than the Lebanese arms, against Hizbullah & al Mukawama al Islamiah, against Emile Lahhoud, Omar Karameh, and nabih birri, against all Syrian alliances (Talal Arislan, Michelle el-Murr, & Sleiman Frangieh), allies with Saddam Husein, Clinton, Bush, 14th of March and 1559.
February 2006: Aoun is against 1559, 14th of March and the USA, Allies with Syria, Syrian alliances (Talal Arislan, Michelle al-Murr, Sleiman Frangieh, Omar Karameh, Hizbullah [Madhoush bi tizon] & Salim el Hoss) with Al Mukawama arms, and any one who can put him in Baabda at least one day before he dies so he can get back the money he stole from the Lebanese government and stashed in the palace but since he ran out with only his blue strips pajamas on and it didn’t have any pockets he couldn’t take any of it.

n.b.: Iza kiss immak alleb, ma rah tekol jalleb ya General, khidlak rakzeh abel ma tmout ya 3akrout.

HASSAN NASRALLAH HONORING

Due to his Patriotism and Nobility, the Lebanese Government will honor Mr. Hassan Nasrallah by dedicating a Lebanese bridge and river after his name: Naher El-Kalb and Jisr El-Wati.

YA MAHASIN IL SODAF

A MIRACLE IN DOWNTOWN

A miracle happened yesterday Dec. 5, 2006 at 12:36 P.M. in Downtown Riad el-Solh square when according to witnesses, the statue of Sheikh Riad El-Solh first Prime Minister of Lebanon (1943–1945), turned his back to the square and raised his hand over his face in disgust, covering his mouth and closing his nose.
Later the same day a man was caught trying to throw a perfume bomb on the protestors.

RIAD EL-SOLH ZOO

LEBANON INVOICE

EL TALEM IL A3WAG MIN EL TAWR LIKBEER

Baby Condom

A Doctor's Phone Rang at home at Three o'clock in the morning, Sleepily he answered "Hello?" A very frantic woman said, "Doctor, our baby just swallowed a condom." The Doctor said, "I am coming and will see what I can do." He started putting on his clothes and was just getting ready to walk out the door, when the phone rang again. He answered "Hello?" A very calm voice on the other end of the line said, "That's alright Doctor, we found another one, never mind."

YOU'RE ALL THE SAME

One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.
As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here." The astonished Chinese man replied "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese".
"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship."
Shocked, Spielberg replies "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."
The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

5 MILLION $ PICTURE

لبنانيا مسيحيا هدم منزله بسبب القصف الاسرائيلي ولم يجد من اغراض بيته الا صورة «المسيح مصلوبا» وقد تحطم اطارها، فأخذها وذهب إلى «سعد الحريري» قائلا.. «يا استاذ، ما فضل من بيتي الا صورة سيدنا.. هيدا»، فأعطاه «الحريري» مائة الف دولار ليرمم بيته! سمع جاره اللبناني الشيعي - بالحكاية، فأخذ صورة السيد «حسن نصرالله» وذهب بها إلى «الحريري» قائلا.. «يا استاذ.. ما فضل من بيتي إلا صورة.. سيدنا»، فأعطاه الحريري.. عشرة آلاف دولار فقط، فاستغرب الرجل وقال.. «بس انت عطيت جاري المسيحي مائة الف دولار»، فرد عليه «سعد» قائلا.. «ايوه، كلامك مزبوط، بس هو جابلي صورة السيد.. تبعه وهو.. مصلوب»!! روح جيب صورة سيدك مصلوب وأنا أعطيك خمسة ملايين دولار !!!!!....

HARIT KILL MEEN IDO ILO

JEW BLOOD

An Arab needed a heart transplant, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood type in case the need arises. Because the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally. So the call went out to a number of countries. Finally, a Jew was located who had similar type of the blood who willingly donated his blood to the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Jew a thank you card for giving his blood along with an expensive piece of diamond and a new Rolls Royce car as a token of his appreciation. Unfortunately, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery once again. His doctors telephoned the Jew who was more than happy to donate his blood again. After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Jew a thank you card and a jar of Almond Roca sweets. The Jew was shocked to see that the Arab this time did not reciprocate much the Jew's kind gesture as he has done previously. So he phoned the Arab and asked him why he had expressed his appreciation in not so generous manner. The Arab replied "Ya habibi, I have Jewish blood now, remember..!?"

10 Reasons why Lebanese cannot hijack a plane

1. We are always late; we would have missed all the flights.
2. The pretty girls on the plane would distract us.
3. We would talk loudly and bring attention to ourselves.
4. With food and drinks on the plane, we would forget why we're there.
5. We talk with our hands; therefore we would have to put our weapons down.
6. We would ALL want to fly the plane.
7. We would argue and start a fight in the plane.
8. We can't keep a secret; we would have told everyone a week before doing it.
9. We would all have fallen over each other to be in the photograph being taken by one of the hostages.
10. We would have put our country's flag on the windshield.

Dear John,

Dear Mr. his Excellency General Michel Aoun, i heard you are searching for a place for your next supporters gathering, and you want the size of the place to be enough for your crowd. Well Mr. his Excellency General Michel Aoun, my bathroom is under your command, be free to use it at any time, you will be more than welcome specially that we added a new latrine lately. Your alliances will love the place.

WE WILL ARRIVE

TO GENERAL AOUN

1. We supported you when you launched your military campaigns2. We defended you when you were in exile3. We hailed you during our Cedar Revolution4. We cheered you the day of your return5. We voted for you in the parliamentary elections
We find out now that:
1. You learned nothing from your mistakes2. You allied yourself with the worst rogue politicians3. You played politics as lousily as you lead your troops on the battlefield4. You belittled our Cedar Revolution's dreams and aspirations5. You diverted our support to serve your personal ambitions
Your actions, willingly or unwillingly:
1. Left the insolent Emile Lahoud in Baabda2. Emboldened Hizbollah in his catastrophic agenda3. Insulted the memory of Rafik, Samir, Gibran and all the independence martyrs4. Reinforced Syria's bullying on Lebanon
Because our deception is as high as the hopes we had placed in you,Because, as for all politicians, you must be held accountable to the people and to your electorate,Because we still have a small hope that you will see this as a warning and will change course,
We wish to cry out loud to our fellow citizens and to the world:
PLEASE FORGIVE ME, I VOTED FOR AOUN

WISE ROBOT

A man walks into a pub and orders a drink. The bar has a robot bartender. The robot serves him a perfectly prepared cocktail, and then asks him:
"What's your IQ?" The man replies "150" and the robot proceeds to make conversation about global warming factors, quantum physics and spirituality, biomimicry, environmental interconnectedness, string theory, nano-technology, and the Kama Sutra.
The customer is very impressed and thinks, "This is really cool".
He decides to test the robot.
He walks out of the bar, turns around, and comes back in for another drink.
Again, the robot serves him the perfectly prepared drink and asks him:
"What's your IQ?" The man responds, "About a 100". Immediately the robot starts talking about Basket ball, supermodels, shooting, beer and women's breasts.
Really impressed, the man leaves the bar and decides to give the robot one more test. He heads out and returns.
The robot asks: "What's your IQ?" The man replies, "Er, 50, I think".
The robot serves him orange juice and says... REAL slowly:
"So............... You're gonna vote for Michel Aoun again?"

ABSOLUT DESTRUCTION

New Aoun ID

يوم أطلّ عون مزهوّاً

المستقبل - الثلاثاء 5 أيلول 2006 - العدد 2377 -

يطل النائب ميشال عون على اللبنانيين مطالباً بالتحقيق مع وزير الداخلية بالوكالة أحمد فتفت بالاستناد الى مسؤوليته عن ثكنة مرجعيون التي أخلتها القوة الأمنية المشتركة بعد احتلالها من جيش العدو الإسرائيلي.إلا أن اللافت للاهتمام ظهور العماد ميشال عون الثائر غضباً على الوزير فتفت والقوة الأمنية في مرجعيون، عام 1982، وبعد حوالي أربعة أشهر من المآسي والمجازر التي ألحقها الحصار الإسرائيلي في بيروت، مزهواً بالمصافحة الحميمة بين ممثل عن قيادة الجيش وبين قائد وحدات الاحتلال الإسرائيلي التي أشرفت على حصار بيروت كجزء من اجتياح لبنان وقتل أبنائه قصفاً وغارات وقنصاً وتجويعاً.وقد ظهر في الصورة التي خلّدها كتاب "حمائم الحرب" للزميل ستافرو جبرا، اللواء عصام أبو جمرا الذي رشحه العماد عون، أخيراً لتسلم حقيبة وزارة العدل.وفي هجومه على الوزير فتفت قال عون بصوت عالٍ على شاشة "اي.ان.بي" إن التحقيق في قضية ثكنة مرجعيون لا يموت بانقضاء عشر سنوات وهو يقع في خانة الجنايات.وفي حيثيات الصورة التي تنشرها "المستقبل" يرتسم سؤال عما إذا كان حبور العماد عون يمحو معانيه الوطنية مرور الزمن على الحدث.. وعلى الذاكرة الوطنية.

DIVORCE CASE

A man and his wife were in the court getting a divorce. The problem was who should get custody of the child. The wife jumping up and down said: Your Honor'. I brought the child into the world with pain and labor. She should be in my custody.The judge turns to the husband and says ' What do you have to say in your defense? The man sat for a while contemplating... then slowly rose. 'You’re Honor'. If I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out... whose Pepsi is it ... the machines or mine??????

NO POLITICS

Abu El Abed went once to a hairdresser for a haircut. Abu El Abed tried to start a conversation with the people while waiting.
Abu El Abed: "Did you hear what Joumblatt said today?"
Barber: "Allah Ykhallik, ma badna seeyasee bi hal mahal".
After a few minutes
Abu El Abed: "Do you know how the dollar is doing today?"
Barber: "Allah Ykhallik, ma badna haki al dollar wel lira bi hal mahal"
few minutes later
Abu El Abed: "Tayyeb feena nehke Sex?"
Barber: Sure Abu El Abed: "eh ayre feek wou bi hal mahal."

GENIE IN A BOTTLE

A couple decides to go golfing at the best golf course in their state. While playing, the husband tells his wife to be very careful, as there were many houses along the golf course. But the wife swings her club and the ball smashes through one of the glasses of the biggest house on the course. So the husband and wife decided to go and apologize to the owner of the house. When they reached the house they found a glass bottle lying on the floor broken into hundreds of pieces. They found an old man sitting in his rocking chair and greeted the couple inside. He said, "I am a genie and I would like to thank you for breaking me free from this bottle. I would like to grant you 2 wishes, but the 3rd wish is mine." So the husband says "I want a private aircraft for myself." The wife said she would like a house in every single country. The genie says for the past 200 years he has never had sex and would like to make love to the lady. So they both agree and the genie takes the lady up and begins having sex. Then he asks the lady "How old is your husband?" She replies "47." "And he still believes in genies?"

THE AXE EFFECT

Al-WA3ED AL-KAZEB

ANSWERS NEEDED???

According to Hizbullah What is:

Al Karameh:

Al Naser:

DAHIEH TODAY

ISRAELI CHECKLIST

AL-WA3ED AL-SADEK

Now in a theater near you
ALWA3ED AL SADEK

-A film by Bashar Asad
-Directed by Hassan Nasrallah
-Produced by Iran Films

Synopsis:

Hezbollah decides to free three hostages from Israel, they fuck a whole country’s economy, destroys it’s infra structure and kills in it’s first day more than 45 innocent Lebanese and still counting, who I guess are less important than Samir Al-Kontar who’s mother is happy now.

So Mr. Samir and his friends beware that when you come back home if you were stupid enough to do (ma mitit ma shifit meen mat) there will be at least 45 dead man on your conscience.

SIB7AN ILLI BI GHAYIR MA BYITGHAYAR

TAXI DRIVER

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said: "Look mate,don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me! The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much." The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a mortuary van for the last 25 years."

AIRBAGS

For Sale

LUCKY BEGGAR

A husband comes back home to find a beggar in his bed screwing his wife. The man asks his wife what the hell is happening, the wife answers “the poor man came asking if there is something you are not using I can give him”.

THE AOUN FAMILY ISSUES

Both Micheal & Cris thinks that they:

- Have 90% of the audience, but they are nominees.
- Are the best, but want to be on top by force.
- Are smart enough to do things and think that no body noticed.
- Are so innocent, yet every body is jealous and hates them.

LEBANESE MOTHER-IN-LAW

Lebanese Mom Mrs Abdallah comes to visit her son Samir for 3 days in London where he is studying. She finds out that her son lives with Vikki, a girl roommate. Mrs Abdallah couldn't help but notice how pretty Samir's roommate was. She suspects of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Reading his mom's thoughts, Samir volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Vikki and I are just roommates." About a week later, Vikki came to Samir saying,” Ever since your mother left, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote: Dear Mother, I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house, I'm not saying that you "did not" take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you left back to Beirut. Love, Samir Several days later, Samir received an email from his Mother which read: Dear Son, I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Vikki, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now. Love, Mom. Lesson of the day... Don't Lie to Your Mother...especially if she is Lebanese.

VASLINE

A man escapes from a prison where he has been kept for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. The fugitive orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, takes the woman and ties her to the bed. In the middle of it, he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction, no matter how much he ravages you. This guy is probably dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you". To which the wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. I told him where to find it. Be strong, honey. I love you, too.

HOW DOES JUMBLAT'S DOG BARK?

3aw, mish 3aw, mbala 3aw.....

A POSTMAN RETIREMENT

After 35 years of work in postal services, the postman is preparing for retirement and he is working his last day as a postman. One family gave him a pen as a gift, another one gave him a key tab, and when he rings at the third door, the door opens and a glamorous blonde appears, holds him by his hand, and takes him to the bedroom where they spent two hours in the craziest sex. After the shower she feeds him breakfast (eggs withham and orange juice) and gives him $5. During the meal, he was delirious and asks: "Can you explain all of this to me?!?" The Blonde says: "Yesterday, I told my husband that our postman is going to retire and we need to offer him something, and he replies: 'Fuck him ... give him 5 dollars!’ the breakfast though was my idea!!!"

Asad's Rocket

President Bashar el Asad of Syria at his weekly cabinet meeting, informed his ministers that President Ahmadi Najad of Iran built a Space Shuttle and would travel to Mars in the coming months. President Asad then declared that he wanted to build a Rocket and would travel to the Sun. In fear, Asad's ministers replied, "But President, how can we travel to the Sun when it is so hot? We will melt from the heat". "You fools!" shouted Asad. "Of course we will melt. Don't you think I know that? We will build the rocket and travel to the Sun at night!"

A GENERAL'S ILLUSION!!

90% Ha!! Let us see…
There are 4,000,000 Lebanese in Lebanon, 35% (1,400,000) of which are under 18, whom even if they changed the law are not allowed to vote, leaving us with 2,600,000 Lebanese, 2% (50,000) of which are in Jails, Hospitals, or can’t leave their homes. Leaving us with 2,550,000 Lebanese, 15% (400,000) of which are in the Army and Police who can’t vote either, leaving us with 2,150,000. 1,000,000 of which were in 14 of January Demonstration, Leaving us with 1,150,000 Lebanese, 5% (60,000) of which couldn’t come that day, Leaving Mr. President with 1,090,000 Lebanese, 890,000 of which are under Nasralla’s Spell, and 300,000 = 90% “on Mars maybe” who just love the orange color.

Lie Detector

A Homsi, a Russian, and an Italian go to the machine that beeps every time you tell a lie.

First out is the Russian: "I think I'm beautiful!" BEEP!
Then goes the Italian: "I think I'm smart!" BEEP!
Finally it's time for the Homsi: "I think..." BEEEEEEEEEEEP!

NICE HAIRDRESSER

There is this good old barber in some city in the US. One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service.” The florist happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting at his door. A policeman goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut. But the barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service.” The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning the barber goes to open his shop; there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door. A Lebanese software engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut. But the barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service.” The Lebanese software engineer is happy and leaves. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there? Can you guess? Do you know the answer yet? Come on, think like a Lebanese…..!!!!!!!
A dozen Lebanese waiting for a free haircut!!!!

KHALES LA ALLAH

THE COLOR NOT THE MAN!

THE LATEST SCAM

I was a victim of the latest scam which is currently happening in shopping mall parking lots.

Two good looking young women come to your car as you are parking, one starts wiping your windshield with a rag and the other comes to your window and bends over so far her breasts just about fall out of her blouse. While you're distracted, the other one gets into the backseat and then they both start begging you for a ride home.

Be very wary, because as soon as you start driving, one of them will take off her shirt and rub her breasts on you while the other climbs over the seat and unzips your pants.
This is when they steal your wallet.

I was robbed last Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, but I couldn't find them on Saturday or Sunday.

THE RECRUIT

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists. Two men and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair...Kill Her!!” The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home." The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home." Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. "This gun is loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."
MORAL:Women are evil.Don't mess with them

The Pharmacist!!

A young man goes into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist: "Hello, could you give me condom. My girlfriend has invited me for dinner and I think she is expecting something from me!" The pharmacist gives him the condom; and as the young man is going out, he returns and tells him: "Give me another condom because my girlfriend's sister is very cute too. She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me and I think she expects something from me too." The pharmacist gives him a second condom; and as the boy is leaving he turns back and says: After all, give me one more condom because my girlfriend's mom is still pretty cute and when she sees me she always makes allusions... and since she invited me for dinner, I think she is expecting something from me!!
During dinner, the young man is sitting with his girlfriend on his left, the sister on his right and the mom facing him. When the dad gets there, the boy lowers his head and starts praying:
"Dear Lord, bless this dinner... thank you for all you give us...!”
A minute later the boy is still praying: "Thank you Lord for your kindness..."
Ten minutes go on and the boy is still praying, keeping his head down. The others look at each other surprised and his girlfriend even more than the others. She gets close to the boy and tells him in his ear: "I didn't know you were so religious!!!"
The boy replies:"I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist!!!"

Recycled Condoms

In some hotel in Beirut, a Lebanese was eating his breakfast calmly: coffee, croissant, baguette, butter and jam. A Syrian tourist with a big chewing gum sat on the table in front of him.
While the Lebanese ignored him, the Syrian started a conversation:
Syrian: you Lebanese, you eat all your bread?
Lebanese (in bad humor): yes.
Syrian (after making a big balloon with his chewing gum): we in Syria, we eat only the interior, & we put the outer part in containers, we recycle them to croissants and we sell them to Lebanese.
The Syrian was smiling all over his face, while the Lebanese listened silently.
The Syrian persists: and you eat your jam with the bread?
Lebanese: yes.
The Syrian (another big balloon noise): we in Syria, we eat fresh fruits at breakfast, and we put the peels and the seeds in containers, we recycle them to jam and we sell them to Lebanese.
At that moment the Lebanese asked: do you make love in Syria?
Syrian (with a big smile): yeah sure, and a lot too.
Lebanese: and what do you do with the condoms?
Syrian: well, we throw them like everybody else in the world.
Lebanese: well, not us. Once we finish using our condoms, we put them in containers, we recycle them to chewing gums and we sell them to Syrians.

Two Penisis!

Two Syrian tourists came to Faraya-Lebanon during winter, hired a ski instructor and learned how to ski.
The following year they decided that they enjoyed their vacation so much, they had to repeat it.
Being Syrians, they forgot everything they learned.
So they decided to hire the same instructor.
They started asking in Faraya who knows their instructor.
This was the conversation:
Faraya: what is his name?
2 Syrians: we can't remember.
Faraya: can u describe him?
2 Syrians: He wears ski cloth.
Faraya: but all ski instructors do that!
2 Syrians: He wears sun goggles.
Faraya: but all ski instructors do that!
2 Syrians: He has a sun tan.
Faraya: but all ski instructors have it due to the reflection of sun on ice!
The smarter Syrians: Oh I got it! He has 2 penises.
Faraya: How is this possible! Have u actually seen that?
The smarter Syrians: No, but every time we were with him, people kept asking him: KIF HAL AYRAIN MA3AK?

HOMSI IN BEIRUT

A Homsi visited Beirut and booked a room in the hotel. The hotel employee carried the bags and asked to take him to the room. Once the door is opened, the Homsi stopped, shook his head and said to the employee: "Listen its true that I'm a stranger to this country but this doesn't mean that you fool me and laugh at me, I've paid over $100 for renting a nice room. This room is too small, has no window, no bathroom and it also contains no bed...!The hotel employee politely said:"I'm sorry sir. This is not your room, this is the elevator...!!!!

LEBANES-O

A jet-set Lebanese gentleman parked his brand-new BMW in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver's side. The Lebanese immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed the police, and within minutes a policeman pulled up. Before the policeman had a chance to ask any questions, the Lebanese started screaming hysterically as some of his office colleagues reached the scene too. His BMW, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it. When the Lebanese finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the policeman shook his head in disgust and disbelief... "I can't believe how materialistic you Lebanese are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else." "How can you say such a thing?" asked the Lebanese. The policeman replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you." "Oh My God!" screamed the Lebanese. "Where's my Rolex?"

Emilio & Misho

Samahat Alsayyed Michel Aoun

A DAY OFF

So you want the day off. Let's take a look at what you are asking for .......................................
There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available, You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break. That accounts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch period each day, you have used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave . This leaves you only 20 days available for work . We are off for 5 holidays per year , so your available working time is down to 15 days . We generously give you 14 days vacation per year which leaves you only 1 D A Y available for work and I'll be damned if you're going to take that day off ...

U might face the same situation!!!

Why men are better friends than Friendship between Women:

Friendship between Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it.
Friendship between Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.

Four Little Animals

(You've got to love this little girl. What a woman she'll make!) A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life?" A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said, "All I want Out of life is four little animals, just like my Mom always says". The teacher asked, "Really and what four little animals would that be?"The little girl said, "A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bed and a jackass to pay for all of it."

HOW TO IMPRESS!!

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN!!
Wine her, * Dine her, * Call her, * Hug her, * Support her, * Hold her, * Surprise her,
Compliment her, * Smile at her, * Listen to her, * Laugh with her, * Cry with her, * Romance her, * Encourage her, * Believe in her, * Pray with her, * Pray for her, * Cuddle with her, * Shop with her, * Give her jewelry, * Buy her flowers, * Hold her hand, * Write love letters to her,
Go to the end of the Earth and back again for her.

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN!!
Show up naked ... * Bring food ... * don’t block the TV

Who's Doing the Dishes ??

Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until, one day; he comes across a Harley with a 'For Sale' sign on it.
The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old.
It is shiny and in absolute mint condition. He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years. "Well, it's quite simple, really," says the seller, "whenever the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain." And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline. That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there. But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, "I have to tell you something about my family before we go in." When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes." "No problem," he says. And in they go. Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes. They sit down to dinner and sure enough, no one says a word.
As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses Sandra. No one says a word. So he reaches over and fondles her breasts. Still, nobody says a word. So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word. He looks at her mom. "She's got a great body," he thinks. So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her every which way right there on the dinner table. Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still, total silence.
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder and it starts to rain. Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket. Suddenly the father backs away from the table and shouts, "All right, that's enough, I'll do the f*cking dishes!"

Syrian vs. Lebanese

Once a Lebanese guy goes into a bar, and asks the bartender who was Syrian: "hey asshole, give me a beer" The Syrian guy goes... why are you being rude and racist man? Do you accept being in my place and people calling you names?
The Lebanese says: "I don't care". So the Syrian guy says "fine let’s switch places". So the Lebanese guy now goes behind the bar as a bartender. The Syrian guy now asks the Lebanese "Lak 7iwan, give me a beer" the Lebanese guy goes: "sorry, we don't' serve Assholes”!!!

Homsi Strategy

Two Men from Homos (Syria) were strolling along the main shopping street of Hamra in Beirut when they see a sign:
-Suits: LL 5,000 each-Shirts: LL 2,000 each-Trousers: LL 2,500 per pairOne says to his pal. "Hey, Look! These Lebanese must be stupid. We could buy a whole load of those, and when we get back to Homos, we could make us a fortune! "Now listen up. When we go into the shop you keep your mouth shut, eh! "Just let me do all the talking, because if they hear our accent, they might try to rip us off. I'll be given them my best Lebanese accent." They went in and the guy says, "Excuse me sir, I'll take 50 of your fine suits at LL 5 000 each, 100 shirts at LL 2 000 each, and 50 pair of trousers at LL 2 500 each. And I'll be taking those items with me today, if you don't mind." The owner of the shop interrupts, "You guys are from Homos, aren't you?"
"Yes" says the Homsi, "how come you know?" The owner says, "Because this is a dry-cleaner HABIB ALBI

New Syrian Amendment

قرر الرئيس السوري بشار الاسد منع الاستحمام بالشامبو واستعمال الصابون فقط

وعند سؤاله عن سبب هذا القرار اجاب :

"لان الشامبو بيخلي الشعر يصير حريري ومليس"

Lahhoud Kidnapped

A man is caught in traffic when suddenly someone taps on the window. He lowers the window and asks what he wanted. The man says, President Emile Lahhoud was kidnapped and the ransom is $5 Million dollars, and that if the ransom is not paid, the kidnappers have threatened to douse him with gasoline and set him on fire! "We are doing a collection, do you wish to participate?" The man asks "on the average what are people giving?" The man says "5 to 10 liters!"

ثوار الجبل

إياك يا مجرم سوريا ان تقترب من الموحدون الشرفاء
إياك ان تقترب من شرف العروبة
إياك ان تقترب من كرامة الثوار الاحرار
إياك ان تستخف باسيادك الابرار
إياك ان تعيد ما فعله اسلافك الاشرار
في داخلنا بركان خامد لو انفجر لحرق سوريا بمن
فيها ولن تكفينا المنطقة كما تزعم يا مهرخ الشام سنحرق
الكون لان قائدنا ابو تيمور مؤيد من رب الكون

ثوار الجبل

W Air Syria

Salam 3alaykoum...

This is your captain Abou Sayyah Welcoming both seated and standing passengers on board of Syrian Airlines.
We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather and some overtime I had to put in at the bakery baking Kaak.
This is flight 717 to Sham Airport. Landing there is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in Syria. And, if luck is in our favor, we may even be landing on your village!
Syria Airlines has an excellent safety-record... In fact, our safety standards are so high, that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us!
It is with pleasure; I announce that, starting this year, over 30% of our passengers have reached their destination.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off!
We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. However, for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to MEA Airlines, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.
There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down!
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. If however, we go a little too close, do let us know.
Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your seat-belt. For those of you who can't find a seat-belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And, for those of
you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess who
will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase."
"Thanking you all for choosing Syrian Airlines to fly for the first and last time"

Wish You a nice trip,

Captain Abou Sayyah

Conversation between Fadi & his son.

Fadi: I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son: I will choose my own bride!
Fadi: But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter.
Son: Well, in that case...ok
(Next Fadi approaches Bill Gates)
Fadi: I have a husband for your daughter.
Bill Gates: But my daughter is too young to marry!
Fadi: But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank.
Bill Gates: Ah, in that case...ok
(Finally Fadi goes to see the president of the World Bank)
Fadi: I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president.
President: But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!
Fadi: But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law.
President: Ah, in that case...ok
This is how business is done in Lebanon!!

A syrian on a train

There was a Lebanese, a Syrian and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through the Province Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and Lebanese were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Syrian had his hand against his face as he had been slapped there The Syrian was thinking: 'the Lebanese fellow must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'the Syrian fellow must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Lebanese and got slapped for it And the Lebanese was thinking: 'this is great, the next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that Syrian bastard again.

Too Embarrassed

One day a "Jamhour" fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up -- mechanic, businessman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth. But little Elie was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, "My father's an exotic dancer in cabarets and takes off all his clothes in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and make love with him for money." The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and then took little Elie aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?" "No," the boy said, "He works at the presidential palace in Baabda and helped re-elect Emile Lahoud, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."

المستحيلات ال16

إماراتي فقير / سوداني نشيط / مصري ساكت / عماني حلو
مغربي يتكلم عربي / فلسطيني لا نازح ولا لاجئ / يمني صاحي
كويتي متواضع / ايراني اسمو معاوية / سعودي يومين ما آكل كبسة
ليبي عاقل / سوري واقف جنبوه حدا / اردني لطيف
باكستاني نظيف / هندي ما يهز راسو
لبناني ما يتفلسف

Spelling Game

Bashar Assad teaching his children the spelling of ASSASSINATION:
An 'Ass' behind another 'Ass' and behind that ' I '
and behind the two asses and I, a whole 'Nation'