Tuesday, January 10, 2012
رائحة الجنة
Monday, January 09, 2012
Saturday, January 07, 2012
Best Divorce Letter
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever.. I’ve been a good woman to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk dress.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your games. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you are cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.
Your EX-Wife
P.S. don’t try to find me. Your BROTHER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Husband’s reply to his wife’s letter:Dear Ex-Wife,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my games so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a boy!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About that new silk dress: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me.
So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Husband, Rich As Hell & Free!
Wednesday, January 04, 2012
GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY.
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Friday, December 02, 2011
Thursday, November 17, 2011
You are my witness
The maid completely denied the accusation and addressed the lady's husband, right in front of his wife, saying,
"Sir, you are my witness ... you know very well that I never ever wear panties!!!"
Friday, October 28, 2011
First things first!
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Sunday, October 09, 2011
Friday, October 07, 2011
Lebanon Seven Wonders
1- A Parliament representatives, that should be representing the public and should have been elected by the same public and the public has no clue who they are or how they even look like.
Monday, October 03, 2011
How to get a free dig in Lebanon
An old Lebanese Forces gentleman lived alone in Mastita (Byblos). He wanted to plan this annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard. His only son, Jean Claude, who used to help him, was in Dubai. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
Dear Jean Claude, I am feeling pretty sad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days. Love, Dad
A few days later he received a phone call from his son.
Jean Claude: “Dear dad, don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried”. And the call got disconnected.
At 4 a.m. The next morning, the Lebanese Army, and acting upon a request from Gen. Michel Aoun, arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.
That same day the old man received another call from his son.
Jean Claude: “Dear dad, go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances”.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Imad Mousa Jobs
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
NO SEX TONIGHT!
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Thursday, September 08, 2011
Can you read this?
If you can read this you have a strong mind:
7H15 M3554G3 53RV35 7O PR0V3 H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5! 1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5! 1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG 17 WA5 H4RD BU7 N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3 Y0UR M1ND 1S R34D1NG 17 4U70M471C4LLY W17H 0U7 3V3N 7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17, B3 PR0UD! 0NLY C3R741N P30PL3 C4N R3AD 7H15. R3-P057 1F U C4N R35D 7H15
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Friday, August 05, 2011
The Aouni Fan
Thursday, August 04, 2011
Ramadan Movies list
2. I Know What You Ate Last Ramadan
3. Charlie & The Ashta Factory
4. Save The Last Samboosa
5. The Curious Case of the Unfolded Samboosa
6. So7oor at Tiffany's ;)
7. The Got-Fatter
8. Indiana Jones and The Raiders of The Lost Fattoush
9. Transformers: The Dark Side of the Hilal
10. Iftar for Shmucks
11. Saved by the 2athaan
12. How to be a sheikh in 30 Days
13. No Drinks Attached
14. The Devil Wears Jalabiya
15. Fast Another Day
16. Confessions of a Teenage Kaffer
17. Gone With the Medfa3
18. Did He 2athen Yet?
19. Fasting & Furious
20. Inglourious Fasters
21. 27 3abayas
22. Halal War: Return of the Goat
23. Get Full or Die Trying
24. Honey, I Shrunk The 3adas
25. Dude, Where's my Food?
26. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Red Jellab
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Irony
Someone trying to secure a field of Gas 1000 m below sea level; couldn’t secure a domestic 12L Gas container 50m above sea level.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
China to Taiwan
2-Write CHINA as itinerary starting point
3-Write TAIWAN as destination
4-Read step 48
5-When you stop laughing rate, comment and forward to a friend, rss, or post to your profile
Friday, July 01, 2011
If the world were 100 people
- 20 would be children / there would be 80 adults, 14 of whom would be 65 and older
- There would be: 61 Asians / 12 Europeans / 13 Africans / 14 people from the Western Hemisphere
- There would be: 31 Christians / 19 Muslims / 14 Hindus / 6 Buddhists / 12 people who practice other religions / 18 Atheists (People who used their brains)
- 17 would speak a Chinese dialect / 8 would speak Hindustani / 8 would speak English / 7 would speak Spanish / 4 would speak Arabic / 4 would speak Russian / 52 would speak other languages / 82 would be able to read and write; 18 would not
- 1 would have a college education
- 1 would own a computer
- 75 people would have some supply of food &a place to shelter them from the wind & the rain, but 25 would not
- 1 would be dying of starvation
- 17 would be undernourished
- 15 would be overweight
- 83 would have access to safe drinking water
- 17 people would have no clean, safe water to drink
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
il general bi3awwid 3leik!
"Waylon li ommatin 7okama2ouha 5ors min wakr l sinin, wa rijalouha l 2ashadda2 la yazalouna fi akmitati l sarir"GKG
"Waylon li 7koumatin istakala minha Talalun Arislanuha" Shoubasi
n.b. Ntibho heida zalami byi2bal bi 7ayalla she ha!!
Monday, June 13, 2011
Lebanese Politicians
Having already downed a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says: "Listen good looking, I screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on, it doesn't matter to me. I just love it."
Eyes now wide with interest, he responds: "No kidding. I'm a Lebanese politician too. What village are you from?"
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
The (butt)crack of Beirut welcomes you
A sign in Beirut reads: “The hole of Beirut Municipality Welcomes you.”
Here’s one way to vent your frustration over the canyon-sized craters dotting the roads of Beirut.
Someone put up a sign just in front of the Audi showroom in Qarantina that reads, “The crack of Beirut Municipality Welcomes you.”
I interpret the signage to mean “butt crack” of Beirut because, like the unsightly wedge of skin that pops out of plumber’s pants: no one wants to see that.
Wonder how long it will take before the sign gets removed.
The Ministry of Public Works and Transportation and the Interior Ministry are both responsible for road upkeep in Lebanon.
Alas, the cabinet formation continues to stall and the country is without a government -- not that road maintenance would be anywhere near the top of the priority list, but you know…
Meanwhile, if you spot a pothole in Lebanon, you can report it on the http://www.jouwar.com/
Friday, April 08, 2011
Sunday, April 03, 2011
القرف و قوة الملاحظة والتركيز
Friday, April 01, 2011
فتاوى تستحق القراءة ليست تأليف بل من مواقع الفتاوى
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Like Father Like Son!
Right away Mr. Assad was on the radio pointing his finger also to the Lebanese Forces headed by Dr. Samir Geagea.
Dear Mr. Asad if you have the time machine, please give it back, I need it and you know why!!
By the way Bash, very well played bro. You have one great stage manager & director, and the cues! the cues man were excellent, the applause man “chapeau bas” ya3tee 1000 3afieh, and the supporting actors, WOW, great timing and good pronunciation and projection too.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Things I Hate About Everyone!
2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V.. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.
3. When people say 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too'. Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say 'it's always the last place you look'. Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!
5. When people say while watching a film 'did you see that?'. No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.
6. People who ask 'Can I ask you a question?'.... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
8. When people say 'life is short'. What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks 'Has the bus come yet?'. If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?
10. People who go to a restaurant and start adding and subtracting ingredients, believing that it makes the dish tastes better. If you’re such a good cook, why don’t you eat at home asshole!!
n.b. It is proven that people who do such things end up eating at least a spit ora booger per dish. Never tell a cook how to cook, never be a funny with a waiter; both have access to your dish before you get to eat it.
* If you have something that you hate or that annoys you in people, please add it in your comment below and we will add it here.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Saturday, March 12, 2011
The age of miracles!! عصر المعجزات
During my lifetime I have witnessed three miracles.خلال حياتي شاهدت ثلاثة معجزات
- A woman getting pregnant without sex.امرأة حامل من دون ممارسة الجنس
- An illiterate man writing a holy book.رجل أمي أقدم على كتابة كتاب مقدس
- A stubborn, old fashioned thief whose main concern is Reform and change.
رجل لص، عنيد، قديم الطراز شاغله الرئيسي هو الإصلاح والتغيير
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Tuesday, March 08, 2011
Saturday, March 05, 2011
Lebanese Terminology
a fixed false belief that is resistant to reason or confrontation with actual fact: a paranoid delusion.
Example: Michel Aoun. Thinks all Christians are with him and more than half the Lebanese. Moammar Qaddafi anyone?
Hypocrite منافق hyp•o•crite [hip-uh-krit]a person who feigns some desirable or publicly approved attitude, especially one whose private life, opinions, or statements contradict his or her public statements.
Example: Nabih Berri. He disapproves of Moammar Qaddafi and calls for the transfer of power, yet has been Head of Amal party for 32 consecutive years and Speaker of the Parliament for 20 consecutive years and more to come.
Enemy عدو en•e•my [en-uh-mee]enemies, persons, nations, etc., that are hostile to one another: Let's make up and stop being enemies.
Example: Israel confiscated 25% of Lebanon for 22 years, stole Lebanon’s water, killed Lebanese citizens, kidnapped Lebanese citizens but released all now.
Friend صديق fr•ie•nd [frend]a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?
Example: Syria, confiscated 50% of Lebanon for 30 years, killed Lebanese citizens, stole from Lebanon billions of USD, kidnapped Lebanese most of whom are still in Syrian jails.
Double standards معايير مزدوجة –nounany code or set of principles containing different provisions for one group of people than for another, especially an unwritten code of sexual behavior permitting men more freedom than women. Compare single standard
Example: Israel’s the enemy and you’re a traitor if you say the opposite which makes sense, while Syria is our ally and you can’t say the opposite otherwise you are a traitor.
Patriot وطني pa•tri•ot [pey-tree-uh t, -ot or, especially Brit., pa-tree-uh t] –nouna person who loves, supports, and defends his or her country and its interests with devotion.
Example: No Body
Principle مبدأ [prin-suh-puh l]guiding sense of the requirements and obligations of right conduct: a person of principle.
Example: Samir Geagea was against Syrians and had to go to jail because of his principles. He came out and still is against Syrians. Whereas Walid Jumblat’s principles resemble a Ferris Wheel & Michel Aoun’s depend on who could make him president.
Liar كاذب li•ar [lahy-er]a person who tells lies.
Example: Walid Jumblat
Kharouf خروف kha•rou•f [ka-r-uf]a meek, unimaginative, or easily led person.
Example: Lebanese people
Resistance مقاومة re•sist•ance [ri-zis-tuh ns]an underground organization composed of groups of private individuals from the same nationality with different religions working as an opposition force in a conquered country to overthrow the occupying power, usually by acts of sabotage, guerrilla warfare, etc.
The resistance shall not stop its exercise until all the territories are free, at that exact moment it stops to exist otherwise it becomes against order militia (Traitors). At any given time the resistance stops action it is considered dead, or an ally to the conqueror.
Example: Hizbullah, (Al-Mukawama Al-Islamiah Al-tabi3a li Iran) four years no action and Lebanon is still under occupation (Mazeri3 Shib3a). NO COMMENT!!
Traitorخائن trai•tor [trey-ter]a person who betrays another, a cause, or any trust.
Example: Hassan Nasrallah is capable of reaching Al-Jalil and kick Israel’s ass, Ahmadi Nejad can make Israel disappear, but both don’t have the time! They have something more important, maybe later!!
Asshole بخش الطيز ass•hole [as-hohl]a stupid, mean, or contemptible person.
Example: Me, knowing all that, and I still have hope to find someone wise enough to tell his leader to fuck off!!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Power of the People
1- Iraq: Saddam Hussein Abd al-Majid al-Tikriti (1979 – 2003) 24 Years
2- Palestine: Mohammed Yasser Abdel Rahman Abdel Raouf Arafat (1959 – 2004) 45 Years
3- Tunisia: Zine El Abidine Ben Ali (1987 – 2011) 34 Years
4- Egypt: Muhammad Hosni Sayyid Mubarak (1981 – 2011) 30 Years
5- Libya: Muammar Abu Minyar al-Gaddafi (1969 – 2011) 42 Years
6- Yemen: Ali Abdullah Saleh (1994 – 2011) 17 Years
7- Algeria: Abdelaziz Bouteflika (1999 – 2011) 12 Years
8- Syria: Assad Family (1970 – 2011) 41 Years
9- Sudan: Omar Hassan Ahmad al-Bashir (1989 – 2011) 22 Years
10- Djibouti: Ismaïl Omar Guelleh (1999 – 2011) 12 Years
11- Mauretania: Mohamed Ould Abdel Aziz (2005 – 2011) 6 Years
12- Bahrain: Al Khalifa family (1971 – 2011) 40 Years
13- Jordan: Al-Hussein family (1951 – 2011) 60 Years
14- UAE: Al Nahyan family (1855 – 2011) 156 Years
15- Qatar: Al Thani family (1825 – 2011) 186 Years
16- Kuwait: Al Sabah family (1751 – 2011) 260 Years
17- KSA: Al Saud family (1744 – 2011) 267 Years
18- Somalia: Sharif Ahmed (2009 – 2011) 2 Years
19- Oman: Al Said (since 18th Century)
20- Morocco: (since 17th Century )
21- Lebanon:
a. Maronites: Samir Farid Geagea (1986 – 2011) 25 years - 11 in jail since he was the only one to pay his debts to the nation,
Michel Naim Aoun (1988 – 2011) 23 Years – 15 Years in France living a luxurious life while his people are being treated like dogs.
b. Druz: Jumblat family (1943 – 2011) 68 Years
c. Shiite: Nabih Mustapha Birri (1984 – 2011) 30 Years,
Hasan Abdelkarim Nasrallah (1992 – 2011) 19 Years
d. Sunni: Harriri family (1992 – 2011) 19 Years
Being in power in the Arab world is a sickness with no medicine. It is a combination of 55% Alzheimer, 25% inferiority complex & 20% stupidity. Arab leaders go with the saying: “You would be an ass if you have a donkey and you don’t ride it 24/7/365”. I have a dream that one day an Arab leader would willingly leave his post as a King, Prince, President, Prime Minister or a Speaker of Parliament, and not due to death of natural causes, assassination, or a revolution killing the people he was supposed to be protecting. Amazing how leaders thrown down, and others soon to follow, are all 99.9% sure that their people are all with them and then those same people are the ones who will demand that they leave, destroy their statues and pictures and spit on them as soon as they leave. Arab leaders & Arab people wake up, (حاج تلحسو المبرد).
As for the Lebanese people, how can you live your life while knowing from day one that you have limitations for your ambitions?
- You can’t be a president or an army commander if you’re not a Christian maronite!
- You can’t be a prime minister if you’re not a sunni!
- You can’t be speaker of parliament if you’re not a shiite!
- You can’t be a Member of the Parliament unless you are loyal to one of the leading parties!
- You can’t be a part of the Islamic resistance against Israel unless you are a Shiite with Hezbollah!
- You can’t carry a weapon and use it on your fellow Lebanese unless you are a Shiite with Hezbollah!
- You can’t be a Lebanese unless you are a sheep and following one of your religious leaders, no questions asked!
- You can’t offend Hezbollah because it means you’re offending the resistance; since they are one entity. But when Hezbollah uses his weapons against other Lebanese, you can’t accuse the resistance, because they are different entities!
- You can’t mock any religious figure because they are “religious”, and 90% of their time is talking politics on TVs!
If this is the way, and since 50% of Lebanese people are ok with it as “statistics” show, and since nobody wants to revolt, I would like to invite the other 50% to start a new Christian resistance with arms to “fight Israel” and maybe even liberate Al-Kudus.
And if anyone thinks that’s wrong then those are traitors working with Israel, so simple.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
The Vagina
“The best engine in the world is the vagina. It can be started with one finger. It is self-lubricating. It takes any size piston. And it changes its own oil every four weeks. It is only a pity that the management system is so fucking temperamental.”
Saturday, February 12, 2011
A Fart Song
It warms the bed in winter, and suffocates the fleas.
A fart can be quiet; a fart can be loud,
Some leave a powerful, Poisonous cloud
A fart can be short, or a fart can be long,
Some farts have been known to sound like a song......
A fart can create a most curious medley;
A fart can be harmless, or silent, and deadly.
A fart might not smell, while others are vile,
A fart may pass quickly, or linger a while......
A fart can occur in a number of places,
and leave everyone there, with strange looks on their faces.
From wide-open prairie, to small elevators,
A fart will find all of us sooner or later.
But farts are all bad, is simply not true
We must never forget....... Sweet old farts like you!
Sunday, February 06, 2011
Hussnie Moubarak Jokes
فرد عليه : ليه هم رايحين فين؟
الرئيس المصري حسني مبارك يحرق نفسة امام القصر الرئاسي مطالبا بتغيير الشعب
حسني مبارك يرسل لشعبه بالاذاعه أغنيه: اخصمك أآآآه ,,,, اسيبك لالالالالا ااااا
اثنين مصريين محششين بالمظاهرات المصرية
الاول بحكي للثاني : طيب إذا أحنا كسبنا وأسقطنا الحكومة شو بصير !!؟?
الثاني : بنلعب مع تونس على النهائي
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Bank Audi
هيدي رصاصة... خليتا من أول سلاح حملتو، كلشنكوف؟
اي بكلشنكوف كنا ندرز البلد كلّها
عل19 جبت دبابة و شكلت أول مجموعة كنت اّخد عمك نجيب و نروح عالبرج و نعمل رماية ونقنص عالعالم، وقت صرت قائد ميليشيا أخدت أمك خطيفة اييية احتفلنا بالملجأ،كانت أيام حلوة ما كنا مدنية بس مليشيات،نروح كنا نقنص نقوص، تقوص؟
أنا يلي كنت قوص،نقوص لوج الصبح ونسرب عالمتراس رأساّ.
هي...هيدي تاركها لأني أكيد رح يجي نهار ترجع الرصاصة تحكي
Walid Jumblat most recent facebook activities
Walid and 65 other friends likes basher status “Lebanon here I come”
Walid wrote on the wall of the 14 March “so long suckers”
Walid left the group 14 March
Walid joined the group 8 March
Walid wrote on the group 8 March wall “nice group guys”
Walid fucked: Taymour, Aslan, Dalia (they became wled kalb), Kamal Jumblat heritage, Kamal Jumblat memory (yalli khallaf mitil walid met w shibi3 mot), good PSP candidates, Good Druze, lots of Martyrs, Good Sunnis, Good Christians, Saad Hariri, Najib Mikati, Mohamad Safadi, Ghazi Aridi (they won’t see it anymore), and last but not least himself, so no need to say anymore FUCK YOU WALID BEIK!!
Saad ma Sa2at!!
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Monday, December 20, 2010
Walid Beik Jumblat, Shut the fuck up!!
بالله عليك أصمت!! اتّقِ الله و ا صمت!! حتى الدرك له قعرٌ يتوقف عنده!
كان اسمك متداولاً على لائحة التصفيات مع الرئيس الحريري بعد ال 1559 فسقط الحريري و انتابك الهلع فكنت أولّ من أطلق شعارات الاتهام المباشر و الحقد باتجاه سوريا و حزب الله و حرضّت كل من آمن بانتفاضة استقلال 2005 على الذهاب الى الآخر!
عندما لم تستجب الولايات المتحدة لمطلبك تغيير النظام في سوريا و اكتفت بفرض تغيير السلوك، استسلمت و بدأت استدارتك التقهقرية و انتقلنا من الاقرار بعد سكوت عشرين سنة بأنّ سوريا اغتالت والدك كمال بك جنبلاط ، الى السماح من دون النسيان ، الى السماح و النسيان و الامتناع عن وضع وردة حمراء على ضريح الشهيد
بالامس عشنا هاجس اقترابك من الستين ( و نحن نتمنى لك العمر المديد!) و خوفك من أن تلقى مصير والدك الذي استشهد في الستين، فخفت من تكرار 7 أيار و استباحة حزب الله لأهلك في الجبل، خفت على ابنك تيمور، فاستسلمت و نكرت ذاتك و قيادتك لمسيرة 14 آذار و اعتبرتها ساعة تخليّ ووصفت المحكمة بالمسيّسة و دست على دماء و عذابات صديقك مروان حمادة!!!
بالله عليك! هل أنت مقتنع بأن تيمور راضٍ عن هذه الانقلابة التي أصابته بالدوار! هل أنت مقتنع بأنّ نورا التي أطعمت الشباب بأيديها في خيم ساحة الحرية مقتنعة بهواجس الانهيار! هل أنت مقتنع بأنّ أهل الجبل أهل الشهامة و الكبر، ألعوبة بين يديك ترضى بالانكسار، و لمجرّد أنها تحترم زعامتك تأخذها أنىّ تشاء و تفرض عليها طأطأة الرأس بذريعة خوفك عليها و على وجودها!!!
بالله عليك أصمت!! كفاك إذلالاً!! أصمت!!
كيف طاوعك قلبك و أنت في حضرة جيزيل زوجة الشهيد سمير قصير على شاشة العربية أن تغمس خنجرك في صدرها و تتنكّر لقضية نبيلة كنت لوْلَبَها، فإذا بك تنعتها بصفاتٍ تخوينية و بالأداة العميلة!!!
بالله عليك أصمت!! أنت حرٌّ بنفسك لكنكّ لست حراً بناسك و بمحبيّك و بشهدائك!!
اتقّ الله و اصمت!! توقفّ عن الحفر في الجورة التي خبأّت رأسك فيها كي لا تستمرّ في الانحدار و الغرق...
Thursday, September 23, 2010
NEW SERVICE IN LEBANON
For more information. CALL: 800-HIZBULLAH or 800-HARIRI (Welcome to Lebanon and enjoy your stay)
n.b. We know exactly where you are no need for a name card!!
Monday, April 19, 2010
A DAMN FINE EXPLANATION
And she was upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!'
> And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened.'
'Go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'
And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.
I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.
So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.
Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.
Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight.
I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.
I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair of the same.'
The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help, that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said,
'Please .... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Thursday, April 08, 2010
Microsoft vs GM
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,
'If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.'
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash........
Twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single 'This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation' warning light.
I love the next one!!!
7. The airbag system would ask 'Are you sure?' before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10. You'd have to press the 'Start' button to turn the engine off.
Job Opportunity
The clerk pulled up the file and read;
"The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynaecologist. You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off their pubic hair, then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynaecologist's examination. The annual salary is £65,000, and if you're interested you'll have to go to Albany
"My God, is that where the job is?" asked the man.
She answered,
"No sir, that's where the end of the queue is right now."
Wednesday, April 07, 2010
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
BROWN, THE NEW AOUNI COLOR
Two ladies, 1 from Ashrafieh, and 1 from Mazraa were having their morning coffee. The first one is with “AOUN”, and the second one is with “FUTURE”.The "Aoun" lady told her friend: "My son, now, hates everything related to the blue color. He refuses to wear his blue t-shirts, his blue swimming suit, and also he refuses to go to the sea because it’s blue or even look to the sky".
So the "Future" lady asked her: "Does he like the brown color?” She answered: "Yes" Then the "Future" lady replied: "Eh khali, yekol khara”!!!!






































