Walid Beik Jumblat, Shut the fuck up!!

الى وليد جنبلاط: بالله عليك.... أصمت

بالله عليك أصمت!! اتّقِ الله و ا صمت!! حتى الدرك له قعرٌ يتوقف عنده!
كان اسمك متداولاً على لائحة التصفيات مع الرئيس الحريري بعد ال 1559 فسقط الحريري و انتابك الهلع فكنت أولّ من أطلق شعارات الاتهام المباشر و الحقد باتجاه سوريا و حزب الله و حرضّت كل من آمن بانتفاضة استقلال 2005 على الذهاب الى الآخر!
عندما لم تستجب الولايات المتحدة لمطلبك تغيير النظام في سوريا و اكتفت بفرض تغيير السلوك، استسلمت و بدأت استدارتك التقهقرية و انتقلنا من الاقرار بعد سكوت عشرين سنة بأنّ سوريا اغتالت والدك كمال بك جنبلاط ، الى السماح من دون النسيان ، الى السماح و النسيان و الامتناع عن وضع وردة حمراء على ضريح الشهيد
بالامس عشنا هاجس اقترابك من الستين ( و نحن نتمنى لك العمر المديد!) و خوفك من أن تلقى مصير والدك الذي استشهد في الستين، فخفت من تكرار 7 أيار و استباحة حزب الله لأهلك في الجبل، خفت على ابنك تيمور، فاستسلمت و نكرت ذاتك و قيادتك لمسيرة 14 آذار و اعتبرتها ساعة تخليّ ووصفت المحكمة بالمسيّسة و دست على دماء و عذابات صديقك مروان حمادة!!!
بالله عليك! هل أنت مقتنع بأن تيمور راضٍ عن هذه الانقلابة التي أصابته بالدوار! هل أنت مقتنع بأنّ نورا التي أطعمت الشباب بأيديها في خيم ساحة الحرية مقتنعة بهواجس الانهيار! هل أنت مقتنع بأنّ أهل الجبل أهل الشهامة و الكبر، ألعوبة بين يديك ترضى بالانكسار، و لمجرّد أنها تحترم زعامتك تأخذها أنىّ تشاء و تفرض عليها طأطأة الرأس بذريعة خوفك عليها و على وجودها!!!
بالله عليك أصمت!! كفاك إذلالاً!! أصمت!!
كيف طاوعك قلبك و أنت في حضرة جيزيل زوجة الشهيد سمير قصير على شاشة العربية أن تغمس خنجرك في صدرها و تتنكّر لقضية نبيلة كنت لوْلَبَها، فإذا بك تنعتها بصفاتٍ تخوينية و بالأداة العميلة!!!
بالله عليك أصمت!! أنت حرٌّ بنفسك لكنكّ لست حراً بناسك و بمحبيّك و بشهدائك!!
اتقّ الله و اصمت!! توقفّ عن الحفر في الجورة التي خبأّت رأسك فيها كي لا تستمرّ في الانحدار و الغرق...

مي شدياق

NEW SERVICE IN LEBANON

In order to boost Tourism, since it became almost the only way to make money in Lebanon, a new service was introduce recently: VISA (In less than 24hrs) - TICKETS (1st Class) - AIRPORT PICK UP (No check points) - ESCORT (Premium Cars, tinted glass) - ACCOMMODATION & TV INTERVIEWS (In the special guest lounge).
For more information. CALL: 800-HIZBULLAH or 800-HARIRI (Welcome to Lebanon and enjoy your stay)
n.b. We know exactly where you are no need for a name card!!

A DAMN FINE EXPLANATION

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.

And she was upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!'

> And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened.'

'Go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'

And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight.

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair of the same.'

The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help, that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said,


'Please .... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?

Saad Hariri & Michel Faroun

Microsoft vs GM

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,
'If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.'
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash........
Twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single 'This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation' warning light.
I love the next one!!!
7. The airbag system would ask 'Are you sure?' before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10. You'd have to press the 'Start' button to turn the engine off.

Job Opportunity

A man went into the Job Centre and saw a card advertising for a Gynaecologist's Assistant. Interested, he went in and asked the clerk for details.
The clerk pulled up the file and read;
"The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynaecologist. You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off their pubic hair, then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynaecologist's examination. The annual salary is £65,000, and if you're interested you'll have to go to Albany
"My God, is that where the job is?" asked the man.
She answered,
"No sir, that's where the end of the queue is right now."

Aouni Khara!!