ZOUZOU & THE AOUN FANS

A teacher in Zahle, Lebanon asked her 6th grade class how many of them were AOUN fans.
Not really knowing what a AOUN fan was, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Zouzou.
The teacher asked Little Zouzou why he decided to be different... again.
Little Zouzou said, 'Because I'm not a AOUN fan.
The teacher said, 'Why aren't you a AOUN fan?
Zouzou said, 'Because I'm OUWWET.
The teacher asked why he's OUWWET?
Little Zouzou answered, 'Well, my Mom's OUWWET and my Dad's TOO, so I'm OUWWET
The teacher asks, 'If your Mom was a moron, and your Dad was an idiot, what would that make you?
With a big smile, Little Zouzou replied, 'That would make me a AOUN fan.

اعرف شخصيتك من ضرطتك Know your personality from your fart

تضرط لوحدك بالحمام = انطوائي  Farting alone in the bathroom = Autistic
تضرط وتعترف = صريح  Farting and confessing = Frank
تحب تشتم ضرطت غيرك = أجتماعي  Fond to smell others’ fart = Social
تحاول تكتم الضرطه = حساس  Trying to muffle or mute your fart = Sensitive
تضرط بصوت عالي = متمكن  Farting loudly = Confident
تضرط وتتهم غيرك = نذل   Farting but accusing someone else = Scoundrel
تضل تضرط فترة طويلة = سخيف  Farting continuously for a long time = Silly
تضرط قدام بنات حلوات = شجاع  Farting in front of cute girls = Brave
تضرط حتى لو عندك اسهال = متهور  Farting when you have diarrhea = Reckless
تضرط و أنت واقف = مسيطر  Farting while standing = In Control
تضرط و أنت مقلص = عنيف  Farting while squirming = Violent
تضرط قدام الوالد = ديمقراطي  Farting in front of your dad = Democratic
تحاول تاخذ وضعية عند الضرطة = غير منصف  Trying to pose during farting = Unjust
تضرط وعندك بواسير = مقرف  Farting while having Piles = Disgusting
تضرط بالامتحان = تريد أتغش  Farting in the exam hall = Cheating
تضرط بمكان مغلق وتخنق الناس = أرهابي  Farting in a close place, suffocating everyone = Terrorist
تضرط بدون صوت = رومانسي  Farting without a sound = Romantic
تحب تشتم ضرطتك = مغرور  Try to smell your own fart = Egotist
تضرط ضرطة متقطعة = خجول  Farting sporadically = Shy
ما يعجبك تضرط = فارغ  You don’t like to fart = Vain

تحاول تضرط بس متعرف = غير متمرس  Trying to fart but you don’t know how = incompetent
تضرط عمداً بالمصعد = لئيم  Farting deliberately in the elevator = Mean

 www.capisho.blogspot.com

عزيزتي المواطنة اللبنانية

لا تجعلي مشاغل الحياة تسرقك من نفسك ومن زوجك، أعيدي الشباب لعلاقتك الزوجية؛ أطفئي أضواء الكهرباء واستقبليه بشمعة في يدك، أزرعي بيتك بالشموع الحمراء والصفراء، أعدّي له عشاء رومانسيا على ضوء الشموع، اطفئي المكيّفات واجعليه يلجأ الى دفء احضانك، اطفئي التلفاز ولا تدعيه يتذرّع بالأخبار، لا تتيحي له مقارنتك بهيفا أو نانسي، استغني عن الميكروويف لتحميه من روائح الطبخ وارحميه من ضجيج الغسالة الكهربائية ولكي تشعريه بقدر من الإهتمام وبمعاناتك من أجله استخدمي المكواة القديمة التي تحمّى على بابور الكاز لكوي ملابسه، عوّديه على المشي معك يداَ بيد في ردهات المنزل وسط الظلام الدامس
مع تحيات كهرباء لبنان

SPINNEYS DOCTOR

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Abul Abed says to Abu Stef behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor." "Listen, you don’t have to spend that kind of money,” Abu Stef replies. "There's a diagnostic computer down at Spinneys. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what’s wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . . A lot cheaper than a doctor."

So, Abul Abed deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Spinneys. He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity it will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Spinneys."

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Abul Abed began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from Imel Abed and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure. Abul Abed hurries back to Spinneys, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)

2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)

3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

4. Imel Abed is pregnant with twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.

5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!

Thank you for shopping @ Spinneys.

Israel Vs Hezbollah

The Difference between Israel (lead by Ehud Olmart) Vs Gaza in Dec 2008 & Hezbollah (lead by Hassan Nasrallah) Vs Lebanon in May 2008 is that:

- Israel killed 1000 enemy in 18 days on an average of 55 Palestinians per day / Hezbollah killed 110 fellow countrymen in 2 days on an average of 55 Lebanese per day.
- Israel‘s purpose was to defend its people and land, Hezbollah’s purpose was to defend its arms and communication land line.
- Both fight on others land.
- Both exist due to religious reasons while both are illegal.
- Both are allies with Qatar, where they resolved their issues.
- Both are minorities on earth and hated by everyone else.
A wise man once said Hezbollah are the same as Israelis. I tell him today that he stands corrected they are even worse than that, for in July 2006 they even helped those Israelis and gave them a reason to kill more than 1000 & Injure more than 3000 Lebanese, Destroy more than 5000 house and building, and dispersed more than 8000 family and yet declared it a victory, But on whom till this day nobody knows! The worst of all is they are destroying Lebanese owned businesses where Lebanese employees work and try to feed their families thinking that in this way they are fighting Zionism, have you ever seen something more stupid!!