Bashar the Bullshit Man & his Sidekick Vladimir Putin

Bashar the BullShit Man

Science vs Faith

Aouni Madroub!

Strongest man in the World...

من الآخر، اقوى زلمي بالعالم...

ماحدى يتفاجاء إذا بعد شي 1400 سنة صار في 1400000000 نصرللاوي.

الزلمي بكل بساطة راعبن.

وليد جنبلاط ما بيتحرك من بيتو بلا ما يخبرو، نبيه بري إذا بدو يفوت على الحمام بياخد إذنو، سعد الحريري مقاصصو برات البيت، سمير جعجع مجمدو قرص و ميشال عون يا حسرة روح روح تعى تعى.

كلو بعويّ وماحدا مسترجي يعض...

حبيتو ولا كرهتو حاكم بسرمايتو وبلا مثالثة مش رح يمشي الحال وقريباً يمكن حتى هاي تسير قليلة...

تحذير هام، الهفوات احجام...

Who are the real robbers here?

During a robbery in Guangzhou, China, the bank robber shouted to everyone in the bank: "Don't move. The money belongs to the State. Your life belongs to you."

Everyone in the bank laid down quietly. This is called "Mind Changing Concept” Changing the conventional way of thinking.

When a lady lay on the table provocatively, the robber shouted at her: "Please be civilized! This is a robbery and not a rape!"

This is called "Being Professional” Focus only on what you are trained to do!

When the bank robbers returned home, the younger robber (MBA-trained) told the older robber (who has only completed Year 6 in primary school): "Big brother, let's count how much we got."

The older robber rebutted and said: "You are very stupid. There is so much money it will take us a long time to count. Tonight, the TV news will tell us how much we robbed from the bank!"

This is called "Experience.” Nowadays, experience is more important than paper qualifications!

After the robbers had left, the bank manager told the bank supervisor to call the police quickly. But the supervisor said to him: "Wait! Let us take out $10 million from the bank for ourselves and add it to the $70 million that we have previously embezzled from the bank”.

This is called "Swim with the tide.” Converting an unfavorable situation to your advantage!

The supervisor says: "It will be good if there is a robbery every month."

This is called "Killing Boredom.” Personal Happiness is more important than your job.

The next day, the TV news reported that $100 million was taken from the bank. The robbers counted and counted and counted, but they could only count $20 million. The robbers were very angry and complained: "We risked our lives and only took $20 million. The bank manager took $80 million with a snap of his fingers. It looks like it is better to be educated than to be a thief!"

This is called "Knowledge is worth as much as gold!"

The bank manager was smiling and happy because his losses in the share market are now covered by this robbery.

This is called "Seizing the opportunity.” Daring to take risks!

So who are the real robbers here?

MAN RULES

THESE ARE OUR RULES!

PLEASE NOTE. THESE ARE ALL NUMBERED #1 ON PURPOSE!

1. MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS.

1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT. YOU'RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT'S UP, PUT IT DOWN. WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN. YOU DON'T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.

1. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL.

1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE:

SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!
STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!
OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK!
JUST SAY IT!

1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.

1. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT'S WHAT WE DO. SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.

1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT. IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS.

1. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE. DON'T ASK US.

1. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE.

1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE. NOT BOTH. IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT YOURSELF.

1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS.

1. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE...

1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS...
PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.

1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY 'NOTHING', WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG. WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE.

1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON'T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR...

1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE...REALLY.

1. DON'T ASK US WHAT WE'RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS FOOTBALL OR MOTOR SPORTS.

1. YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES.

1. YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES.

1. I AM IN SHAPE. ROUND IS A SHAPE!

1. THANK YOU FOR READING THIS. YES, I KNOW, I HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH TONIGHT.. BUT DID YOU KNOW MEN REALLY DON'T MIND THAT? IT'S LIKE CAMPING...

Why do we have to school & University?

So we can be molded into a state approved homogenous drone that cannot think outside of the prescribed consensus. We will learn to repeat information instead of how to think for ourselves so that we don’t become a threat to status quo. When we graduate we will get a job, pay our taxes, i

n order to perpetuate the corporate system of indentured servitude.

Evolution

Harley Davidson Motorcycle vs. Women

The inventor of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.

Arthur then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?"

God said, "Ah, yes."

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust.
5. And the maintenance costs are outrageous."

"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on." God went to his Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

Top 10 Stupid Facebook Misusages

1- Profile picture: an image portraying the significant features of the owner of the profile.
a. Last night I was freaked out when I saw that one of the Transformers wants to become friends with me, to discover later that it was one of my ignorant friends who have used an image of a car for his profile picture!
b. The night before that I thought another friend was having the Benjamin Button disease; he suddenly went back to being a baby, only to discover later that his sister got a new baby!! (Profile pictures should only be changed in case of major changes in one’s face due to age or an accident, while searching for your profile this is the best way to figure you out especially if they forgot your name. That is if you have already specified that in the first place!
c. Right after marriage you will notice you have two identical profile pictures. Come on guys there are two other places to show off your top achievement; Relationship Status & Albums

2- Profile name: No comment! Even 3 year olds know that. What amazes me most is how fast girls change their family names sometimes even before their wedding! And the worst is when she puts her husband’s name or vice versa as her middle name then even FBI and CIA would never guess who the fuck they are… Guys & Girls your profile name is your Identity and personality; better not lose it for such a cheap reason.

3- New born pictures: All new born look alike and all look ugly, the only message we are getting from posting such disgusting pictures is that you are trying to prove that it is 90% legit since it has anything that looks like the real father and that your gentiles are working!

4- General pictures (Cities, Sunsets, Clouds, Animals, Nature…): Unless it has something very exceptional no other human being can ever shoot it ever again, will no more exist or you are in it, thank you very much we already have “National Geographic” for that! I can accept the fact that when someone is traveling he thinks everything is interesting since it’s all new to him and he starts taking pictures especially that now it’s all digital and free, but what I don’t accept or understand is why would he post them on Facebook!? Another case is wedding pictures, guys at least tag those stupid photos, otherwise they are just an animation of the bride and the groom shifting places…

5- 90 degree flipped pictures: Guys before posting a picture you have something called editing and rotate and they are free by the way.

6- Duplicates: More than one picture for the same subject doing the same thing… Facebook has invented something new for that reason called “Delete”!! We don’t have all day to watch your husband fall of the chair, we know it’s funny and hilarious but that was for you! While watching all we need to see is his ass on the floor and that’s called the final shot and maybe while he was trying to sit and that’s called the establishing shot, all the other 8 shots in between are video. Try to use it next time woman!

7- Comments: are always related to the object right above them and never for chat. If you don’t have anything to say about it nobody needs to know what you’re cooking today or tomorrow!

8- The Wall: it’s a public space. Anything you write there everybody can see, and no you weren’t stunning in that dress, you need much more than a $5000 dress to do this almost impossible job!!

9- Status: A place to say something about “your” current status as the name implies, and “your” here means the owner of the account whose name and picture are shown right above. One of my friends has a status that is so active if you see keep on checking it you will think that he is traveling from one country to the other using light speed and meeting people nonstop and taking decisions that will change history, to find out that he was just in the bathroom and finished reading his newspaper and is checking to see if he has memorized it well… There is a special section on Facebook for that specific reason and it’s called Notes check it.

10- Cover Page: It’s a special space given to you by Facebook for free to market yourself and not a place to show your expertise in Googling images, saving and re-posting them and yet marketing somebody else on your account. This proves that Arabs, and I’m talking about the majority, were never made to USE, but always to re-USE, ab-USE and mis-USE…

I’m hundred percent sure that at this exact moment there’s someone thinking of cutting and pasting this article on his status and waiting for someone to start a chat on its behalf using the comments!!

n.b. Facebook is not a Church nor a Mosque so please keep your religious “Beliefs” to yourself!!

When life gives you LEMON ...

When life gives you LEMON,

Go to Lebanon change its color to Orange, get some stupid follower, start a movement call it “tayyar” so to make people fear you, “watani” since it is 100% Lebanese and for Lebanon benefits “Horr” because you are not controlled by anyone such as Syria or Hezbollah, until you become president and change it to a party (allah la y2addir). You will later find out that there are still smart people among your religion and others that don’t trust you. You open a TV for your first daughter & name it Orange TV and start brainwashing your follower and try brain washing others. You will soon find out that you need money for the elections, after you have spent all what poor Gilbert & Abbees had gave you to make them MPs, so you give the ministry of Energy to your son in law (“Taka”, although ma 3indo wala taka) and the ministry of Communications to another “miss communicated person” promising him a Parliament membership in the next elections, in order for both to start stealing money from the government and calling it “isla7”, and to back them up with their delusions you will open an advertising agency for your second daughter & name it Clementine so they can market their lies and of course steal even more money and make people believe exactly the opposite of what they should (LebanON/OFF) here comes “taghyeer”. You will fail in all of this so you decide to fuckup the economy maybe people will forget their headache when their legs are broken, so you ask your minister of tourism “the brain” to ruin the season with his smart decisions (such as No Smoking Law & UAE Conspiracies) and fuckup tourism, the backbone of Lebanon GDP!! Now your followers are fed up of your “Shiit” and your allies are fed up of your “Shit” and started feeling that you are becoming a burden and you are pulling them down with you they are trying to get rid of you by using your ignorance and stupidity and that looks promising.

Mr. “General” your Orange is turning “Yellow” shaklak staweit wsar baddak 2atif ya m3attar!!

And you still think that there is someone stupid enough to try to assassinate make a hero out of you ya baba!!