A LETTER WRITTEN BY A JUNKIE TO ZAVEN

(THE FAMOUS TALK SHOW 'SIRI WIN FATAHETT')
Dear Zaven,
I am a crack dealer in Basta who has recently been diagnosed as carrier of the HIV virus. My parents live in the suburb of Beirut (al-Dahiyeh) and one of my sisters, who live in Jounieh, is married to a transvestite. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana in their small garden and are currently dependent on my other two sisters who are prostitutes in Maameltein.I have two brothers. One is currently serving a non-parole life sentence at Roumieh for murder of a teenage boy in 1994. The other brother is currently being held in the Trablos Jail on charges of neglecting his three children. I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives in Jiyeh and, indeed, is still a part-time "working girl" in a brothel.
My problem is this: I love my fiancée and look forward to bringing her into the family and of course I want to be totally honest with her.
Should I tell her about my uncle who voted for Michel Aoun?

Signed,
Worried About My Reputation

IRAN = ?

TAYYAR EDUCATION SYSTEM

TEEZ MEEN?

Wain kint?, w ma3 meen kint?, w shu kint lebis?

THE TROIKA

What’s common between the three?

- All were born poor.
- All lived in a bad environment.
- All are totalitarians.
- All look stupid in the half mustache.
- All made wars and are willing to make wars without asking the others.
- All are willing to eliminate the other.
- All are willing to sell there mothers for a chair.
- All have psychic history.
- And soon both will end the same way Hitler did.

Where will al-tayyar al-Aouni be in 2007?

Guess and win a place for two in the tayyar.
Here is the information you could use to solve the riddle.

Fall 1988: Aoun is an ally with his Christian brothers The Lebanese forces (Al-Tahalof Al-Masihi)
Spring 1989: Aoun is killing his Christian brothers The Lebanese Forces (Harb al ilghae)
March 1989: Aoun is killing his enemies The Syrians (Harb el Tahrir)
Oct 1990: Aoun is kicked by Salim el Hoss, and Syrians out of Lebanon (Al Tat-heer)
1991 – 2005: Aoun against Syrian existence in Lebanon, any other arms than the Lebanese arms, against Hizbullah & al Mukawama al Islamiah, against Emile Lahhoud, Omar Karameh, and nabih birri, against all Syrian alliances (Talal Arislan, Michelle el-Murr, & Sleiman Frangieh), allies with Saddam Husein, Clinton, Bush, 14th of March and 1559.
February 2006: Aoun is against 1559, 14th of March and the USA, Allies with Syria, Syrian alliances (Talal Arislan, Michelle al-Murr, Sleiman Frangieh, Omar Karameh, Hizbullah [Madhoush bi tizon] & Salim el Hoss) with Al Mukawama arms, and any one who can put him in Baabda at least one day before he dies so he can get back the money he stole from the Lebanese government and stashed in the palace but since he ran out with only his blue strips pajamas on and it didn’t have any pockets he couldn’t take any of it.

n.b.: Iza kiss immak alleb, ma rah tekol jalleb ya General, khidlak rakzeh abel ma tmout ya 3akrout.

HASSAN NASRALLAH HONORING

Due to his Patriotism and Nobility, the Lebanese Government will honor Mr. Hassan Nasrallah by dedicating a Lebanese bridge and river after his name: Naher El-Kalb and Jisr El-Wati.

YA MAHASIN IL SODAF

A MIRACLE IN DOWNTOWN

A miracle happened yesterday Dec. 5, 2006 at 12:36 P.M. in Downtown Riad el-Solh square when according to witnesses, the statue of Sheikh Riad El-Solh first Prime Minister of Lebanon (1943–1945), turned his back to the square and raised his hand over his face in disgust, covering his mouth and closing his nose.
Later the same day a man was caught trying to throw a perfume bomb on the protestors.

RIAD EL-SOLH ZOO