LEBANESE MOTHER-IN-LAW

Lebanese Mom Mrs Abdallah comes to visit her son Samir for 3 days in London where he is studying. She finds out that her son lives with Vikki, a girl roommate. Mrs Abdallah couldn't help but notice how pretty Samir's roommate was. She suspects of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Reading his mom's thoughts, Samir volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Vikki and I are just roommates." About a week later, Vikki came to Samir saying,” Ever since your mother left, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?" "Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote: Dear Mother, I'm not saying that you "did" take the sugar bowl from my house, I'm not saying that you "did not" take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you left back to Beirut. Love, Samir Several days later, Samir received an email from his Mother which read: Dear Son, I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Vikki, and I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now. Love, Mom. Lesson of the day... Don't Lie to Your Mother...especially if she is Lebanese.

VASLINE

A man escapes from a prison where he has been kept for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. The fugitive orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, takes the woman and ties her to the bed. In the middle of it, he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction, no matter how much he ravages you. This guy is probably dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you". To which the wife responds, "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. I told him where to find it. Be strong, honey. I love you, too.

HOW DOES JUMBLAT'S DOG BARK?

3aw, mish 3aw, mbala 3aw.....

A POSTMAN RETIREMENT

After 35 years of work in postal services, the postman is preparing for retirement and he is working his last day as a postman. One family gave him a pen as a gift, another one gave him a key tab, and when he rings at the third door, the door opens and a glamorous blonde appears, holds him by his hand, and takes him to the bedroom where they spent two hours in the craziest sex. After the shower she feeds him breakfast (eggs withham and orange juice) and gives him $5. During the meal, he was delirious and asks: "Can you explain all of this to me?!?" The Blonde says: "Yesterday, I told my husband that our postman is going to retire and we need to offer him something, and he replies: 'Fuck him ... give him 5 dollars!’ the breakfast though was my idea!!!"