THE COLOR NOT THE MAN!

THE LATEST SCAM

I was a victim of the latest scam which is currently happening in shopping mall parking lots.

Two good looking young women come to your car as you are parking, one starts wiping your windshield with a rag and the other comes to your window and bends over so far her breasts just about fall out of her blouse. While you're distracted, the other one gets into the backseat and then they both start begging you for a ride home.

Be very wary, because as soon as you start driving, one of them will take off her shirt and rub her breasts on you while the other climbs over the seat and unzips your pants.
This is when they steal your wallet.

I was robbed last Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, but I couldn't find them on Saturday or Sunday.

THE RECRUIT

The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists. Two men and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair...Kill Her!!” The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home." The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home." Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. "This gun is loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair."
MORAL:Women are evil.Don't mess with them

The Pharmacist!!

A young man goes into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist: "Hello, could you give me condom. My girlfriend has invited me for dinner and I think she is expecting something from me!" The pharmacist gives him the condom; and as the young man is going out, he returns and tells him: "Give me another condom because my girlfriend's sister is very cute too. She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me and I think she expects something from me too." The pharmacist gives him a second condom; and as the boy is leaving he turns back and says: After all, give me one more condom because my girlfriend's mom is still pretty cute and when she sees me she always makes allusions... and since she invited me for dinner, I think she is expecting something from me!!
During dinner, the young man is sitting with his girlfriend on his left, the sister on his right and the mom facing him. When the dad gets there, the boy lowers his head and starts praying:
"Dear Lord, bless this dinner... thank you for all you give us...!”
A minute later the boy is still praying: "Thank you Lord for your kindness..."
Ten minutes go on and the boy is still praying, keeping his head down. The others look at each other surprised and his girlfriend even more than the others. She gets close to the boy and tells him in his ear: "I didn't know you were so religious!!!"
The boy replies:"I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist!!!"

Recycled Condoms

In some hotel in Beirut, a Lebanese was eating his breakfast calmly: coffee, croissant, baguette, butter and jam. A Syrian tourist with a big chewing gum sat on the table in front of him.
While the Lebanese ignored him, the Syrian started a conversation:
Syrian: you Lebanese, you eat all your bread?
Lebanese (in bad humor): yes.
Syrian (after making a big balloon with his chewing gum): we in Syria, we eat only the interior, & we put the outer part in containers, we recycle them to croissants and we sell them to Lebanese.
The Syrian was smiling all over his face, while the Lebanese listened silently.
The Syrian persists: and you eat your jam with the bread?
Lebanese: yes.
The Syrian (another big balloon noise): we in Syria, we eat fresh fruits at breakfast, and we put the peels and the seeds in containers, we recycle them to jam and we sell them to Lebanese.
At that moment the Lebanese asked: do you make love in Syria?
Syrian (with a big smile): yeah sure, and a lot too.
Lebanese: and what do you do with the condoms?
Syrian: well, we throw them like everybody else in the world.
Lebanese: well, not us. Once we finish using our condoms, we put them in containers, we recycle them to chewing gums and we sell them to Syrians.

Two Penisis!

Two Syrian tourists came to Faraya-Lebanon during winter, hired a ski instructor and learned how to ski.
The following year they decided that they enjoyed their vacation so much, they had to repeat it.
Being Syrians, they forgot everything they learned.
So they decided to hire the same instructor.
They started asking in Faraya who knows their instructor.
This was the conversation:
Faraya: what is his name?
2 Syrians: we can't remember.
Faraya: can u describe him?
2 Syrians: He wears ski cloth.
Faraya: but all ski instructors do that!
2 Syrians: He wears sun goggles.
Faraya: but all ski instructors do that!
2 Syrians: He has a sun tan.
Faraya: but all ski instructors have it due to the reflection of sun on ice!
The smarter Syrians: Oh I got it! He has 2 penises.
Faraya: How is this possible! Have u actually seen that?
The smarter Syrians: No, but every time we were with him, people kept asking him: KIF HAL AYRAIN MA3AK?

HOMSI IN BEIRUT

A Homsi visited Beirut and booked a room in the hotel. The hotel employee carried the bags and asked to take him to the room. Once the door is opened, the Homsi stopped, shook his head and said to the employee: "Listen its true that I'm a stranger to this country but this doesn't mean that you fool me and laugh at me, I've paid over $100 for renting a nice room. This room is too small, has no window, no bathroom and it also contains no bed...!The hotel employee politely said:"I'm sorry sir. This is not your room, this is the elevator...!!!!

LEBANES-O

A jet-set Lebanese gentleman parked his brand-new BMW in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver's side. The Lebanese immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed the police, and within minutes a policeman pulled up. Before the policeman had a chance to ask any questions, the Lebanese started screaming hysterically as some of his office colleagues reached the scene too. His BMW, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it. When the Lebanese finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the policeman shook his head in disgust and disbelief... "I can't believe how materialistic you Lebanese are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else." "How can you say such a thing?" asked the Lebanese. The policeman replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you." "Oh My God!" screamed the Lebanese. "Where's my Rolex?"