Emilio & Misho

Samahat Alsayyed Michel Aoun

A DAY OFF

So you want the day off. Let's take a look at what you are asking for .......................................
There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available, You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break. That accounts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch period each day, you have used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave . This leaves you only 20 days available for work . We are off for 5 holidays per year , so your available working time is down to 15 days . We generously give you 14 days vacation per year which leaves you only 1 D A Y available for work and I'll be damned if you're going to take that day off ...

U might face the same situation!!!

Why men are better friends than Friendship between Women:

Friendship between Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it.
Friendship between Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.

Four Little Animals

(You've got to love this little girl. What a woman she'll make!) A teacher asked her class, "What do you want out of life?" A little girl in the back row raised her hand and said, "All I want Out of life is four little animals, just like my Mom always says". The teacher asked, "Really and what four little animals would that be?"The little girl said, "A mink on my back, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bed and a jackass to pay for all of it."

HOW TO IMPRESS!!

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN!!
Wine her, * Dine her, * Call her, * Hug her, * Support her, * Hold her, * Surprise her,
Compliment her, * Smile at her, * Listen to her, * Laugh with her, * Cry with her, * Romance her, * Encourage her, * Believe in her, * Pray with her, * Pray for her, * Cuddle with her, * Shop with her, * Give her jewelry, * Buy her flowers, * Hold her hand, * Write love letters to her,
Go to the end of the Earth and back again for her.

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN!!
Show up naked ... * Bring food ... * don’t block the TV

Who's Doing the Dishes ??

Joe wanted to buy a motorbike. He doesn't have much luck until, one day; he comes across a Harley with a 'For Sale' sign on it.
The bike seems even better than a new one, although it is 10 years old.
It is shiny and in absolute mint condition. He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it in such great condition for 10 years. "Well, it's quite simple, really," says the seller, "whenever the bike is outside and it's going to rain, rub Vaseline on the chrome. It protects it from the rain." And he hands Joe a jar of Vaseline. That night, his girlfriend, Sandra, invites him over to meet her parents. Naturally, they take the bike there. But just before they enter the house, Sandra stops him and says, "I have to tell you something about my family before we go in." When we eat dinner, we don't talk. In fact, the first person who says anything during dinner has to do the dishes." "No problem," he says. And in they go. Joe is shocked. Right smack in the middle of the living room is a huge stack of dirty dishes. In the kitchen is another huge stack of dishes. Piled up on the stairs, in the corridor, everywhere he looks, dirty dishes. They sit down to dinner and sure enough, no one says a word.
As dinner progresses, Joe decides to take advantage of the situation. So he leans over and kisses Sandra. No one says a word. So he reaches over and fondles her breasts. Still, nobody says a word. So he stands up, grabs her, rips her clothes off, throws her on the table, and screws her right there, in front of her parents. His girlfriend is a little flustered, her dad is obviously livid, and her mom horrified when he sits back down, but no one says a word. He looks at her mom. "She's got a great body," he thinks. So he grabs the mom, bends her over the dinner table, and has his way with her every which way right there on the dinner table. Now his girlfriend is furious and her dad is boiling, but still, total silence.
All of a sudden there is a loud clap of thunder and it starts to rain. Joe remembers his bike, so he pulls the jar of Vaseline from his pocket. Suddenly the father backs away from the table and shouts, "All right, that's enough, I'll do the f*cking dishes!"

Syrian vs. Lebanese

Once a Lebanese guy goes into a bar, and asks the bartender who was Syrian: "hey asshole, give me a beer" The Syrian guy goes... why are you being rude and racist man? Do you accept being in my place and people calling you names?
The Lebanese says: "I don't care". So the Syrian guy says "fine let’s switch places". So the Lebanese guy now goes behind the bar as a bartender. The Syrian guy now asks the Lebanese "Lak 7iwan, give me a beer" the Lebanese guy goes: "sorry, we don't' serve Assholes”!!!

Homsi Strategy

Two Men from Homos (Syria) were strolling along the main shopping street of Hamra in Beirut when they see a sign:
-Suits: LL 5,000 each-Shirts: LL 2,000 each-Trousers: LL 2,500 per pairOne says to his pal. "Hey, Look! These Lebanese must be stupid. We could buy a whole load of those, and when we get back to Homos, we could make us a fortune! "Now listen up. When we go into the shop you keep your mouth shut, eh! "Just let me do all the talking, because if they hear our accent, they might try to rip us off. I'll be given them my best Lebanese accent." They went in and the guy says, "Excuse me sir, I'll take 50 of your fine suits at LL 5 000 each, 100 shirts at LL 2 000 each, and 50 pair of trousers at LL 2 500 each. And I'll be taking those items with me today, if you don't mind." The owner of the shop interrupts, "You guys are from Homos, aren't you?"
"Yes" says the Homsi, "how come you know?" The owner says, "Because this is a dry-cleaner HABIB ALBI

New Syrian Amendment

قرر الرئيس السوري بشار الاسد منع الاستحمام بالشامبو واستعمال الصابون فقط

وعند سؤاله عن سبب هذا القرار اجاب :

"لان الشامبو بيخلي الشعر يصير حريري ومليس"

Lahhoud Kidnapped

A man is caught in traffic when suddenly someone taps on the window. He lowers the window and asks what he wanted. The man says, President Emile Lahhoud was kidnapped and the ransom is $5 Million dollars, and that if the ransom is not paid, the kidnappers have threatened to douse him with gasoline and set him on fire! "We are doing a collection, do you wish to participate?" The man asks "on the average what are people giving?" The man says "5 to 10 liters!"