إخت هل زمن

Where to post your status?

2012-01-26T20:49:00.003+02:00

Bashar Asad, Snickers Ad.

2012-01-25T20:52:00.000+02:00

Skiing in Faraya is extremely dangerous & humiliating!

2012-01-18T15:11:00.006+02:00

Those are the only photos I could take before I woke up, after a week, in the IC room at the hospital, in a Gibson cask, with an erection!!

N.B. I'm the small one between the chicks in the first image on the left and those are my tacks, but there is a third weird track have no idea where it came from!!

MISS FARAYA

2012-01-17T00:29:00.002+02:00

Obama has nothing better to do!!

2012-01-17T00:21:00.004+02:00

How can you wait for a country like Lebanon to ever stand up on its feet and start moving towards prosperity and freedom, while more than 25% of its people and in the 21^st century, might still believe that the image above to the right is a real one!!

ما هو دور مجلس الوزراء اللبناني؟

2012-01-10T15:28:00.002+02:00

يحكى أن طائرة ركوب متوسطة سقطت فوق غابات الأمازون، ومات جميع ركابها باستثناء ثلاثة أشخاص كتب الله لهم النجاة . أحدهم أميركي والثاني روسي والثالث لبناني . اعتقلتهم احدى قبائل الهنود الحمر هناك، وأحضروهم كالعادة الى زعيم القبيلة.. وبما أن القانون المؤقت المعمول به في القبيلة قتل كل من هو أجنبي، قرر زعيمهم الشيخ دهونجا الدهونجا وضع الناجين الثلاثة على الخازوق حتى الموت.

التفت الرهينة الروسي الى الأميركي و اللبناني قائلا : بما أنه معروف عنا نحن الروس، إطلاق المبادرات السلمية، في أحلك الأزمات، لذا فأنا ملزم بإطلاق مبادرة سلمية علها تلاقي قبولا عند هذه القبيلة وتخرجنا من مأزقنا. قال الرهينتان في وقت واحد :« خرشو » وتعني بالروسي مليح ، الراي رأيك..ثم عرض مبادرته على الشيخ دهونجا الدهونجا قائلا: يا طويل العمر. ما رأيك أن يطرح كل رهينة سؤالا واحدا على قبيلة «الدوهانجة» فإذا عرفوا الجواب، وجب الخازوق. وإذا لم يعرفوا الجواب يتم الإفراج عن الرهينة.

هز زعيم القبيلة رأسه موافقا ثم أشار الى الأميركي أن يطرح سؤاله.

غابت جميع الأسئلة عن ذهن الرهينة الأميركي وتذكر سؤالا واحدا فقط : من هو كريستوفر كولمبوس؟؟.

اجتمع أفراد القبيلة مع زعيمهم ما يزيد عن ساعتين ، ثم خرج الشيخ «دهونجا الدهونجا» وقال: كولمبوس، هو الذي اكتشف أميركا ، أليس كذلك؟؟. طأطأ الأميركي رأسه وجر الى الخازوق.

جاء دور صاحب المبادرة الرهينة الروسي . فسأل متذاكيا زعيم القبيلة : من هو لينين؟ ....عاد أفراد القبيلة الى الاجتماع مع زعيمهم ما يزيد عن الساعتين أيضا ثم خرج الزعيم من خيمته قائلا: أنه مؤسس الشيوعية. طأطأ الروسي رأسه ثم جروه الى الخازوق .

عندها تقدم اللبناني، وزرر جاكيته، ثم أشعل سيجارة مارلبورو قائلا : يا شيخ دهونجا الدهونجا ..بدي أسألك وجاوبني ..

ما هو دور مجلس الوزراء اللبناني؟

دخل الشيخ دهونجا الدهونجا مسرعا إلى خيمته وتبعه عشرة رجال آخرين من حكماء القبيلة ، اجتمعوا ما يزيد عن الخمس ساعات..ثم خرج زعيمهم مطأطئ الرأس قائلا :

شو الجواب يا لبناني ؟؟؟

اللبناني: هؤلاء يا سيدي مثلكم، بيجتمـعوا بيجتمعـوا ... وبعديــــــن بيطلعوا يخوزقوا المواطن!

رائحة الجنة

2012-01-10T14:32:00.004+02:00

قصة حقيقية حصلت في أبوظبي

كان هناك محل لبيع وصياغة الذهب و المجوهرات وكان يديره رجل كبير السن يظهر عليه التطوع والتعلق بالدين وفي ليلة من الليالي دخل إليه رجل وكان معه خاتم مكسور فأعطاه للصائغ ليصلحه فأخذه منه الصائغ وبدت عليه علامات الذهول من شكل هذا الرجل فقد كان البياض عنوانه أبيض البشرة ، أبيض الشعر ، أبيض اللباس ، أبيض النعل ذو لحية طويلة وبيضاء

فقال له الصائغ : هل لك ياسيدي أن تستريح على هذا الكرسي حتى أنتهي من تصليح خاتمك.

فجلس الرجل دون أن ينطق بأي كلمة وخلال هذه اللحظة دخل رجل وزوجته إلى المحل وبدأوا يستعرضون المحل ومن ثم سألت الزوجة عن سعر عقد أعجبها.

فقال لها الصائغ : أعطني دقيقة ياسيدتي حتى أنتهي من خاتم هذا الرجل الجالس يمينك فذهل الزوجان من الصائغ وخرجا من المحل مسرعيين تعجب الصائغ من سبب رحيلهما بهذا الشكل وأكمل عمله فإذا برجل يدخل المحل وبيده إسوارة مكسورة.

فقال للصائغ : إني في عجلة من أمري وأريد تصليح هذه الإسوارة.

فقال الصائغ: حاضر ياسيدي ولكن دعني أنهي خاتم هذا الرجل يمينك وتلفت الرجل. يميناً وشمالاً ولم يجد أحد.

فقال: أجننت يارجل لا أحد هنا ، فخرج غاضباً فجن الصائغ من الموقف وبدأ يذكر الله ويقرأ المعوذات.

فقال له صاحب الخاتم لاتخف أيها الرجل المؤمن إنما أنا مرسل من عند ربك الرحيم لايراني إلا عباده الصالحين وقد أرسلت لأقبض روحك الطيبة إلى جنة النعيم فقد كنت قبل قليل بالجنة في بيتك المنير وقد شربت من ماء نهرك العذب وأكلت من بستانك العنب فطار عقل الصائغ فرحاً وبدأ يحمد الله وأكمل الرجل قائلاً : كما أني أحمل منديلا أخذته من بيتك بالجنة فأبشر برائحة الجنة، فأخرج المنديل من جيبه وقال أيها العبد الصالح شم رائحة الجنة فأخذ الصائغ المنديل فشمه شمة قوية ثم قال آآآآه إنها رائحة لا تخطر على بال البشر ثم أخذ شمة أخرى أقوى من الأولى..ثم قال : يالها من رائحة تذهب العقل يالها من رائحـ ثم أغمي عليه.

بعد فترة ليست بطويلة أستعاد الصائغ وعيه وإذا به يلتفت بكل الاتجاهات فوجد أن محله قد سرق بالكامل ولم يبق فيه أي شي فقد كانت الرائحة القوية بالمنديل لمادة مخدّرة وكان الرجل ذواللباس الابيض عضواً في عصابة ومعه أيضاً الزوجان والرجل ذو الاسوارة المكسورة.

العبرة:

القانون لا يحمي المغفّلين والمؤمنون اكثرهم؟؟

LIFE

2012-01-09T00:40:00.001+02:00

Best Divorce Letter

2012-01-07T11:23:00.003+02:00

Dear hubby,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever.. I’ve been a good woman to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk dress.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your games. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you are cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.
Your EX-Wife
P.S. don’t try to find me. Your BROTHER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Husband’s reply to his wife’s letter:
Dear Ex-Wife,
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my games so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a boy!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About that new silk dress: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me.
So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Husband, Rich As Hell & Free!

GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY.

2012-01-04T16:40:00.002+02:00

ON JULY 20, 1969, AS COMMANDER OF THE APOLLO 11 LUNAR MODULE, NEIL ARMSTRONG WAS THE FIRST PERSON TO SET FOOT ON THE MOON. HIS FIRST WORDS AFTER STEPPING ON THE MOON, "THAT'S ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN, ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND," WERE TELEVISED TO EARTH AND HEARD BY MILLIONS.

BUT JUST BEFORE HE REENTERED THE LANDER, HE MADE THE ENIGMATIC REMARK "GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY."

MANY PEOPLE AT NASA THOUGH IT WAS A CASUAL REMARK CONCERNING SOME RIVAL SOVIET COSMONAUT. HOWEVER, UPON CHECKING, THERE WAS NO GORSKY IN EITHER THE RUSSIAN OR AMERICAN SPACE PROGRAMS.

OVER THE YEARS MANY PEOPLE QUESTIONED ARMSTRONG AS TO WHAT THE "GOOD LUCK, MR. GORSKY" STATEMENT MEANT, BUT ARMSTRONG ALWAYS JUST SMILED.

ON JULY 5, 1995, IN TAMPA BAY, FLORIDA, WHILE ANSWERING QUESTIONS FOLLOWING A SPEECH, A REPORTER BROUGHT UP THE 26-YEAR-OLD QUESTION TO ARMSTRONG.

THIS TIME HE FINALLY RESPONDED. MR. GORSKY HAD DIED, SO NEIL ARMSTRONG FELT HE COULD ANSWER THE QUESTION.

IN 1938 WHEN HE WAS A KID IN A SMALL MIDWEST TOWN, HE WAS PLAYING BASEBALL WITH A FRIEND IN THE BACKYARD. HIS FRIEND HIT THE BALL,

WHICH LANDED IN HIS NEIGHBOR'S YARD BY THE BEDROOM WINDOWS.

HIS NEIGHBORS WERE MR. AND MRS.GORSKY. AS HE LEANED DOWN TO PICK UP THE BALL, YOUNG ARMSTRONG HEARD MRS. GORSKY SHOUTING AT MR. GORSKY. "SEX! YOU WANT SEX?! YOU'LL GET SEX WHEN THE KID NEXT DOOR WALKS ON THE MOON!"

TRUE STORY.

Bashar Assad, it wasn't me!!

2011-12-10T16:46:00.003+02:00

Maya Diab "Studio l Fann"

2011-12-02T11:50:00.003+02:00

Safe• Crypteks USB™ - Encrypted and Lockable USB Solution

2011-11-29T16:47:00.004+02:00

Dear Lebanese Patriots and X-Patriots, please check the link below A.S.A.P.
A Lebanese guy just one among us needs our help; to once tell the world that we also do exist on the technological map. Fadi Badawi, has invented something the world will be talking about soon, and all he needs from us is a simple visit to the link below and to pledge for him after you read you will know why. I remind you that couple of weeks ago some of us spent like $100 for a trivial thing such as putting Gaeta Grotto among the 7 wonders while we knew that it already is!!

I just donated $1 and I’m Jobless, it’s your turn to do the same!! Don’t hesitate it is 100% Safe• Crypteks USB™ - Encrypted and Lockable USB Solution

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/crypteks/crypteks-usbtm-encrypted-and-lockable-usb-solution

Secure your digital life in style with the Crypteks USB™. Featuring 256-bit AES Hardware Encryption and a Customizable Lock.
http://www.crypteks.com

You are my witness

2011-11-17T11:48:00.002+02:00

The lady of the house lost three of her panties at home and blamed her maid for the loss, right in front of her husband.
The maid completely denied the accusation and addressed the lady's husband, right in front of his wife, saying,
"Sir, you are my witness ... you know very well that I never ever wear panties!!!"

First things first!

2011-10-28T22:08:00.001+03:00

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

Diapers & Leaders

2011-10-22T21:28:00.002+03:00

Be Smart, Be Lebanese!

2011-10-09T12:37:00.003+03:00

Lebanon Seven Wonders

2011-10-07T12:33:00.003+03:00

Seven Wonders in Lebanon makes Jeita caves insignificant and makes you wonder.

1- A Parliament representatives, that should be representing the public and should have been elected by the same public and the public has no clue who they are or how they even look like.

2- A public security service that is not allowed to defend or secure the public, the same public that voted and paying the salary of the same “MP”s who nobody knows.

3- A very smart Minister, never even elected once by his public, jumping and proving himself between ministries, but very well known; who can make wonders happen through his wife’s ad agency without spending a penny.

4- An MP who can shift from one pole to the other during 24 hrs more than once, and end up gaining the same stupid public, the same public who elected him for his “Beliefs and Goals”!!

5- A Resistance that helps the enemy and kills the public, yes the same public.

6- A Murderer, who kills a “PM”, couple of “MP”s, an “M” and a couple of hundreds of “P”s, and yet has the choice whether to be on trial or not.

7- A University President who doesn’t know any foreign language, not French, not English not even Persian. I guess he can be easily a “Municipality President” or even a Minister as long as he masters the “YES” word.Well that’s what we call in Lebanon “Reform & Change”!!

How to get a free dig in Lebanon

2011-10-03T10:45:00.005+03:00

An old Lebanese Forces gentleman lived alone in Mastita (Byblos). He wanted to plan this annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard. His only son, Jean Claude, who used to help him, was in Dubai. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Jean Claude, I am feeling pretty sad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days. Love, Dad

A few days later he received a phone call from his son.
Jean Claude: “Dear dad, don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried”. And the call got disconnected.

At 4 a.m. The next morning, the Lebanese Army, and acting upon a request from Gen. Michel Aoun, arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another call from his son.
Jean Claude: “Dear dad, go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances”.

Imad Mousa Jobs

2011-09-29T12:25:00.004+03:00

كل يوم تبرز وظيفة جديدة لسلاح "حزب الله". سلاح كثير متنوع. بحبوحة سلاح. والمهام الملقاة على عاتق السلاح جمة. منها بحسب جردة الـ2011

حماية الخط الممانع والمقاوم في الشرق والغرب. / حماية الأمة والشرف والعرض والطول. / حماية العلامات الجودزية والمواقع الإستراتيجية. / حماية حقول النفط والغاز والكاز والتربنتين والنفتلين في مياه لبنان الإقليمية والدفاع عنها بالغالي والنفيس. / حماية مسيرة حقوق الإنسان التي بدأها النظام السوري قبل 40 عاماً ونيّف

حماية الخط الداعم لتحرير إدلب وحلب والبوكمال وحمص والرستن ودرعا. / حماية المجمعات السكنية. / حماية الخزانات البشرية وخزانات الفيول. / حماية القديسين المتهمين باغتيالات هزّت لبنان. / حماية بعض فروع الجامعة اللبنانية من صوت فيروز. / حماية الشاي من الكابوتشينو. / حماية السياحة والإصطياف والإقتصاد والسدود والإتصالات والمال والبيئة والإنماء المستدام. / حماية الحدود. / حماية السماء والهواء والماء. / حماية الجيش والشعب. / حماية نص الدرك. / حماية كل الأمن العام. / حماية الجمارك. / حماية الأبنية. / الخنادق. / حقول الزيتون. / المغاور. / حماية مفهوم الإستراتيجية الدفاعية المتفق عليه بين قادة الشرق الجديد: محمد رعد وطلال إرسلان وأسعد حردان وعاصم قانصو. / حماية أوراق التفاهم والعليق والتوت. / إستكمال تحرير مزارع شبعا وأحد شطري الغجر "على فضاوة". / دعم حماس في وجه عباس. / تقويض كيان إسرائيل في الثالثة بعد ظهر الثلاثاء المقبل. / مع إبقاء أحد الأصابع على الزناد. / حماية البرلمان من خفافيش 14 آذار. / تدعيم ركائز الدويلة بأسمنت الممانعة والدفاع عن المكتسبات والإنتصارات. / حماية الرغبة في الموت من نوازع الحياة المرفهة. / تخويف وليد جنبلاط بين الحين والفينة. / حماية ميقاتي من نفسه. / حماية المقاومة والتخويف بها. / حماية التظاهرات والشاشات والكلمات والكراسي والمجسمات. / إقفال محال بيع الخمور والزهور والعطور المنتشرة في مناطق الحكم الذاتي. / قصف المحكمة ذات الطابع الدولي. / قطع طريق المطار متى دعت الحاجة. / القضاء على ضفادع 14 آذار. / تأديب بعض وحدات اليونيفيل. / حماية النسبية وضرب وان مان وان فوت بصاروخ ساغر. / حماية الصور وأعمدة الكهرباء وكابلات الإتصالات. / حماية ظهر المقاومة وبطنها وأطرافها وألسنتها السامة. / حماية اللجان النيابية المشتركة. / حماية خيارات الرئيس نبيه بري الدستورية. / حماية قوى الممانعة المسيحية الوطنية التقدمية المنتشرة بين كفرحباب والرابية والبترون وفقرا. / توفير الحماية للعيادات النسائية في الضاحية الجنوبية والجنوب والبقاع ضد هجمات محتملة لكتائب دانيال بيلمارـ الخط الثوري. / حماية السلم الأهلي من "رائحة الأسن ونتانة الفتن" والمؤامرات الخارجية. / حماية المجانين الجدد خصوم المحافظين الجدد

ومؤخراً، جديد جديد جديد. سلاح المقاومة يحمي العيش المشترك ممن؟

ويحمي المؤسسات في لبنان. من مصالح المياه والدوائر العقارية إلى المجلس الدستوري ومجلس الإنماء والإعمار إلى مؤسسات الإئتمان إلى مجالس الإدارات الرسمية إلى القصور الرئاسية. حماية. حراسة. تدشيم.وغداً، قد يجد السلاح وظيفة جديدة فيتطوع لحماية الشركات والشركة ويحمي المحبة

Lebanese Forces, where others dare not!

2011-09-24T21:01:00.002+03:00

Minime

2011-09-21T12:25:00.002+03:00

تعددت الأنظمة والغباء واحد

2011-09-20T12:12:00.001+03:00

NO SEX TONIGHT!

2011-09-16T10:19:00.002+03:00

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled

WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

The Three Stooges

2011-09-13T11:07:00.003+03:00

The first fell down in 2005 at the door of the plane on the ground of “Rafik Hariri Int'lAirport”, the second fell down in 2006 at the Lebanese – “Israeli” border and the last is falling down, falling down, falling down, Syria’s ass is falling down, falling down, falling down, my fair idiot!!

Can you read this?

2011-09-08T16:45:00.001+03:00

If you can read this you have a strong mind:

7H15 M3554G3 53RV35 7O PR0V3 H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5! 1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5! 1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG 17 WA5 H4RD BU7 N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3 Y0UR M1ND 1S R34D1NG 17 4U70M471C4LLY W17H 0U7 3V3N 7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17, B3 PR0UD! 0NLY C3R741N P30PL3 C4N R3AD 7H15. R3-P057 1F U C4N R35D 7H15

Teez tfakkir, w 3a2el yokhra!

2011-08-11T12:19:00.001+03:00

The Aouni Fan

2011-08-05T11:43:00.000+03:00

A Marada fan, a Hizbullah fan, & a Aouni fan are climbing a mountain & arguing about who loves their party the most. The Marada fan insists that he is the most loyal. ''This is for Sleimen Beik!'' he yells & jumps off the mountain. Not to be outdone the Hizibullah fan is next to profess his love for his master. He yells "This is for Sayid Hassan!" & pushes the Aouni fan off the mountain.

Ramadan Movies list

2011-08-04T22:25:00.003+03:00

1. The Passion of the Mtawwa3
2. I Know What You Ate Last Ramadan
3. Charlie & The Ashta Factory
4. Save The Last Samboosa
5. The Curious Case of the Unfolded Samboosa
6. So7oor at Tiffany's ;)
7. The Got-Fatter
8. Indiana Jones and The Raiders of The Lost Fattoush
9. Transformers: The Dark Side of the Hilal
10. Iftar for Shmucks
11. Saved by the 2athaan
12. How to be a sheikh in 30 Days
13. No Drinks Attached
14. The Devil Wears Jalabiya
15. Fast Another Day
16. Confessions of a Teenage Kaffer
17. Gone With the Medfa3
18. Did He 2athen Yet?
19. Fasting & Furious
20. Inglourious Fasters
21. 27 3abayas
22. Halal War: Return of the Goat
23. Get Full or Die Trying
24. Honey, I Shrunk The 3adas
25. Dude, Where's my Food?
26. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Red Jellab

Irony

2011-07-31T16:31:00.000+03:00

Define Irony:
Someone trying to secure a field of Gas 1000 m below sea level; couldn’t secure a domestic 12L Gas container 50m above sea level.

China to Taiwan

2011-07-21T14:02:00.000+03:00

‎1-Open Google Maps (maps.google.com) >> Get Directions
2-Write CHINA as itinerary starting point
3-Write TAIWAN as destination
4-Read step 48
5-When you stop laughing rate, comment and forward to a friend, rss, or post to your profile

If the world were 100 people

2011-07-01T11:52:00.002+03:00

- 50 would be female / 50 would be male
- 20 would be children / there would be 80 adults, 14 of whom would be 65 and older
- There would be: 61 Asians / 12 Europeans / 13 Africans / 14 people from the Western Hemisphere
- There would be: 31 Christians / 19 Muslims / 14 Hindus / 6 Buddhists / 12 people who practice other religions / 18 Atheists (People who used their brains)
- 17 would speak a Chinese dialect / 8 would speak Hindustani / 8 would speak English / 7 would speak Spanish / 4 would speak Arabic / 4 would speak Russian / 52 would speak other languages / 82 would be able to read and write; 18 would not
- 1 would have a college education
- 1 would own a computer
- 75 people would have some supply of food &a place to shelter them from the wind & the rain, but 25 would not
- 1 would be dying of starvation
- 17 would be undernourished
- 15 would be overweight
- 83 would have access to safe drinking water
- 17 people would have no clean, safe water to drink

il general bi3awwid 3leik!

2011-06-14T10:32:00.004+03:00

Mash7out min shighlak, sa2it bil intikhabet il niyabieh, bayyak she7tak mnil bet w ghadban 3leik, 3ala 7affit 2abrak w mish tali3 min 2amrak she! Ma 2ilak illa il general, il general bi shilak min il sando2 byonofdak, biragiljak w bya3tik wizara w2iza kint bala shakhsieh w bahli bya3tik binto wibya3imlak sohro, wibyekhdak tish.
"Waylon li ommatin 7okama2ouha 5ors min wakr l sinin, wa rijalouha l 2ashadda2 la yazalouna fi akmitati l sarir"GKG
"Waylon li 7koumatin istakala minha Talalun Arislanuha" Shoubasi
n.b. Ntibho heida zalami byi2bal bi 7ayalla she ha!!

Lebanese Politicians

2011-06-13T21:51:00.002+03:00

Having already downed a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says: "Listen good looking, I screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on, it doesn't matter to me. I just love it."
Eyes now wide with interest, he responds: "No kidding. I'm a Lebanese politician too. What village are you from?"

Quiz of the week

2011-06-11T13:22:00.004+03:00

With the help of the image above, answer one of these questions and win an IPad. No need to sell a kidney!

1- Which one is sleepy?

2- How many Males & Females?

3- Which one is constipated?

4- Which three are brothers & Sisters?

5- Which one is the teacher?

6- Who took the picture?

11th Commandment, Never argue a Aouni!

2011-05-31T12:15:00.001+03:00

Computer Enhancements

2011-04-16T15:06:00.001+03:00

The (butt)crack of Beirut welcomes you

2011-04-13T10:37:00.003+03:00

A sign in Beirut reads: “The hole of Beirut Municipality Welcomes you.”

Here’s one way to vent your frustration over the canyon-sized craters dotting the roads of Beirut.
Someone put up a sign just in front of the Audi showroom in Qarantina that reads, “The crack of Beirut Municipality Welcomes you.”
I interpret the signage to mean “butt crack” of Beirut because, like the unsightly wedge of skin that pops out of plumber’s pants: no one wants to see that.
Wonder how long it will take before the sign gets removed.
The Ministry of Public Works and Transportation and the Interior Ministry are both responsible for road upkeep in Lebanon.
Alas, the cabinet formation continues to stall and the country is without a government -- not that road maintenance would be anywhere near the top of the priority list, but you know…
Meanwhile, if you spot a pothole in Lebanon, you can report it on the http://www.jouwar.com/

Daleel Al Thawra

2011-04-08T00:36:00.001+03:00

القرف و قوة الملاحظة والتركيز

2011-04-03T11:50:00.001+03:00

قال في دكتور بكلية الطب, عم يعطي أول درس تشريح لطلاب السنة الأولى بعنوان "أساسيات التشريح والجراحة" قام قلهن "شوفوا يا حضرات.. أهم شي بالتشريح.. شغلتين

الشغلة الأولى: ما يكون عندكن أي نوع من الخوف أو القرف ودغري حط إصبعو بطيز الجثة اللي قدّامو ع السرير.. ولحس إصبعو وطلب من كل الطلاب.. يعملوا متل ما عمل هو وبعد تردد وتمقرف وكذا.. عملوا كل الطلاب متل ما قلهن

إجى قلهن: "هلق منجي للشغلة التانية المهمة.. وهي: قوة الملاحظة لازم يكون عندكن قوة ملاحظة وتركيز أنا حطيت إصبعي الوسطاني بطيز الجثة.. بس لحست الإصبع اللي جنبو!!

فتاوى تستحق القراءة ليست تأليف بل من مواقع الفتاوى

2011-04-01T15:29:00.002+03:00

س: فضيلة الشيخ، أنا شاب ملتزم، وجاءتني فرصة للسفرعلى متن طائرة تحلق فوق بلاد الكفار، وتحتها بيوت يشرب أهلها الخمر ويمارسون الفحشاء، فهل أنا في هذه الحلة مذنب؟

ج: الشيخ الزنداني: عليك يابني أن تتحدث مع الكابتن طيار وتطلب منه أن يتجنب الطيران فوق بلاد الكفار، وإذا كان مُضطرا فعليه أن يحاول الطيران فوق تجمعات المسلمين وهذه طريقة سهلة، فمآذن المساجد مرتفعة، ويمكن أن تكون دليلا للطيران الشرعي الحلال

س: أنا أعمل سكرتيرة واحيانا اكون مع مديري في غرفة واحدة مغلقة لوحدنا فما حكمها؟ وهل أكون مخطأة ؟وما الحل لتكون خلوتنا حلال

ج: الشيخ العبيكان: عليك أن تقومي بإرضاع مديرك من ثدييك ثلاث مرات بحضور زوجك عندها تكونين كوالدته وبحكم الام ويحق لكما شرعا الاختلاء دون أثم في مكان مغلق معا"

س: أنا مسلم تقي، وأحب السباحة لكنني أخشى أن أسبح في مكان تكون قد سبحت فيه من قبل فتيات يرتدين المايوهات، فهل المياه التي أسبح فيها تكون نجسة لأنها اختلطت بعورات الفتيات؟

ج: الشيخ محسن العواجي عليك يا ولدي أن تكون متفهما للظروف، فإذا كانت المياه جارية فالسباحة فيها حلال، أما المياه الراكده التي تظن أن أجسادا عارية وبضّة وناعمة سبحت فيها من قبل، فالاقتراب منها حرام

س: صديق لي يبلغ الثلاثين من عمره وقد أراد الزواج من فتاة قيل له بأنها في العشرين، فلما تزوجها اكتشف أنها في السابعة من عمرها، فهل يطلقها، أم يحتفظ بها حتى تحيض؟

ج: الشيخ القرضاوي: إذا كان قد رآها رؤي العين وظن أنها في العشرين ثم اكتشف أنها في السابعة من عمرها فالاثم يقع على ولي أمرها لأنه لم يجعلها ترتدي ملابس الأطفال، وإذا كانت منقبة، ودخل عليها فعليه أن يسأل أهل العلم

س: أنا أعمل في رقابة المطبوعات، وأحيانا أقرأ رواية فيها حديث عن امرأة سافرت دون محرم، فهل أنا آثم وينبغي عليَّ ترك العمل؟

ج: الشيخ سلمان العودة: عليك أن تتصل بكاتب الرواية، وتطلب منه تغيير الجملة إلى امرأة سافرت ومعها محرم، أو يضيف كلمة آثمة وتلعنها الملائكة، وإذا لم يستجب الكاتب فعليك أن تستقيل لأن أجرك حرام من هذا العمل المخالف للشرع

س: لي زميل في الجامعة غير مسلم، وقد استعرت منه كراسة المحاضرات وسقطت فوق سجادة الصلاة، فماذا أفعل لكي لا يغضب الله علىًّ ويدخلني نار جهنم؟

ج: الشيخ الغامدي: لا إثم عليك إن شاء الله إذا سقطت كراسة محاضرات زميلك الكافر فوق الطرف الأيسر للسجادة، أما إذا سقطت في وسطها أو أيمنها فينبغي أن تغسلها سبع مرات، وإذا كانت صينية الصُنع فغسلها عشر مرات واجب، أما السجاد المصنوع بأيدي فتيات لا يرتدين القفاز فينبغي احراقه

س: أنا فتاة ملتزمة وقد رأيت في منامي أن شابا وسيما احتضنني بقوة وابتسمت له، فكيف أقوم بالكفّارة عن ذنبي؟

ج: الشيخ ابن عثيمين: الذي احتضنك في المنام هو الشيطان نفسه، أما ابتسامتك فتعني رضاك عما حدث، لذا يجب التوقف تماما عن النوم لئلا يظهر الشيطان مرة أخرى، وتتطور الأحضان والقبلات إلى ما لا تحمد عقباه، وقد سمعت أحد مشايخنا الأفاضل يقول بأن الزنا في المنام قد يؤدي إلى حمل المرأة سفاحاً خاصة إذا كان نومها عميقاً

س: الموسيقى هي مزامير الشيطان، وأنا كنت أطل من نافذة بيتنا فرأيت عرسا أمام المنزل تنبعث منه الأغاني والموسيقى والمعزوفات، فهل يجب أن أتوضأ مرة أخرى؟

ج: الشيخ آل الشيخ: إذا كانت مزامير الشيطان كماناً وعوداً وجيتاراً فمن الأفضل إعادة الوضوء، أما لو كانت الطبلة تشبه الدف، والعرس على مسافة خمسين مترا فلا حرج في الصلاة بنفس الوضوء السابق

س: هل هناك جان يجيدون التعامل على الكمبيوتر، ولهم مواقع على الانترنيت، ويدخلون المنتديات باسماء خفية؟

ج: الشيخ الأحمد: الجان يعرفون كل ما يعرفه الإنس، وهناك عفاريت أكثر مهارة من بني البشر في التعامل مع الإنترنيت، وقد سمعت أن عفريتا قام ببرمجة الخطة الخمسية للحكومة، وبعض العفاريت يفضلون أجهزة الماكنتوش، لذا فعليك التأكد من بريدك الالكتروني لمعرفة إن كان المرسل جنا أم إنساً

س: هل يستطيع زعيم طاغية أن يعتقل الشياطين ويضعهم في سجونه ومعتقلاته؟ وهل يكون سجانوهم من نار أم من طين؟

ج: الشيخ عايض القرني: بنو البشر فقط هم المسحوقون تحت أحذية الطاغية، أما الشياطين فتعيش في القصر وتأكل مع القائد المهيب

س: شقيقي الأصغر التحق بكلية العلوم، وبدأ يتعلم أشياء غريبة عن الانفجار العظيم والمجرات وملايين النجوم، وفجأة قال لنا بأن الأرض التي نعيش عليها صغيرة جدا وأنها ذرة متناهية تحلق في الكون وتدور حول نفسها وحول الشمس، فماذا نفعل معه؟

ج: ابن باز: يجب اخراج شقيقك فورا من الكلية والحاقه بكلية الشريعة قبل أن يتورط في مزيد من الخرافات، فالأرض هي مركز الكون، وهي أكبر من كل الكواكب والنجوم، وتقف على قرني ثور، وتهتز عندما تعطس الشياطين، أما الشمس فتنزل في المساء إلى قاع البحر فتبتل، وعندما تشرق من الناحية الأخرى تبدأ ضعيفة حتى يجف البلل عنها

س: أعرف شخصا يعيش في النرويج ويتحدث عن بلاد شمس منتصف الليل، ويقول بأنها لا تختفي في الصيف، ولا تظهر في الشتاء، فما حكم الشرع في هذا المجنون؟

ج: الشيخ البراك: على المسلم أن يكون حذرا من هؤلاء الجهلة، فكيف تصدق أن الشمس تظهر في منتصف الليل، ثم أين تختفي في فصل الشتاء إلا إذا انتقلت إلى كواكب أخرى تنير لأهلها، ثم تعود بعد انتهاء مهمتها

س: أعرف شيخا يقول بأن المرأة التي تجلس قبالة التلفاز آثمة لأن المذيع يستطيع أن يراها وهي بملابس البيت، فهل هناك طريقة لتجنب الحرام في هذه الخلوة غير الشرعية؟

ج: الشيخ فالح الحربي: عليها أن تتدثر جيدا، وأن تجلس بزاوية 45 درجة حتى لا يلمحها المذيع أو أي ذكر عبر التلفاز، ومن الأفضل شراء جهاز تلفاز بغير صورة تجنبا للوقوع في شرك الكفر البواح

س: أنا امرأة صالحة، أقرأ كثيرا لكل الشيوخ، ولا تبتعد عيناي عن شيوخ الفضائيات، لكن لم يجب أحد عن سؤالي الذي أرقني كثيرا: هل يستطيع عفريت ذكر أن يجامعني في حضور زوجي دون أن يلفت انتباهه؟ ثم إنني واقعة في مشكلة محرجة وهي أن ابني الصغير يشبه العفاريت، ويجري مثلهم، ويختفي من غرفة إلى أخرى، ويصرخ كأنه منهم، فهل تظن، سيدنا الشيخ، أن عفريتا انزلق في فراشي، وحملت منه هذا الولد الشقي، خاصة أن جارة عجوزا تقول لي دائما: ابنك عفريت؟

ج: الشيخ المنجد: إذا كان زوجك يغط في النوم ويصدر شخيرا ولا يشعر بأي حركة حوله فأغلب الظن أن ابنك من الجن وهو يحتاج إلى معاملة خاصة، ويجب أن لا تغضبيه حتى لا يستعين بأقرانه، ويسببون لك المتاعب. أما إذا كان والده صالحا وطيبا فلا شك بأن ابنك العفريت من صلبه

س: ما هو رأي الشرع في شرب الشاي في فناجين عليها رسومات؟

ج: الشيخ صالح النبهاني: إذا كانت ذات روح ولو كانت رسوما كاريكاتيرية، فالشاي هنا بكل أنواعه حرام باستثناء الشاي الأخضر لأنه يقاوم الروح الشريرة في الرسوم، ويجب عدم وضع الفناجين في غسالة الأطباق حتى لا تؤذي الأرواح فتنتشر في الدار وتزعج أهلها

س: أنا فتاة مسلمة ومحجبة والحمد لله وانا ماشية في الشارع شفت فيليبيني معو وردة حمراء للفالانتاين فهل أعتبر آثمة وما هي كفارة ذلك

ج: الشيخ العريفي: طبعا يا بنتي هذا تشبه بالكفار ولا يجوز النظر لمشرك والعياذ بالله فتلك آفة الآفات وما عليك سوى طلب الاستغفار وحمل عود مسواك نكاية بذاك المشرك الكافر الذي كان يحمل وردة حمراء والعياذ بالله، وكان عليك أن تبلغي رجال الهيئة فوراً عنه، هذا والله أعلم

Like Father Like Son!

2011-03-30T16:19:00.001+03:00

On February 27 1995, the Lebanese people woke up to find banners all around them accusing Dr. Samir Geagea of the “Saydet Al-Najat” church blast. I can’t forget that moment when I saw the banner right in front of our building next to the Syrian Intelligence post, and turned to my Dad and asked him, “What happened? What did Dr. Geagea do now?!!” At the same time, my Mom called us to watch the TV, and there was LBC covering the blast aftermath, which had just happened 15 min ago.
Right away Mr. Assad was on the radio pointing his finger also to the Lebanese Forces headed by Dr. Samir Geagea.

Dear Mr. Asad if you have the time machine, please give it back, I need it and you know why!!

By the way Bash, very well played bro. You have one great stage manager & director, and the cues! the cues man were excellent, the applause man “chapeau bas” ya3tee 1000 3afieh, and the supporting actors, WOW, great timing and good pronunciation and projection too.

Things I Hate About Everyone!

2011-03-20T12:43:00.007+02:00

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V.. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3. When people say 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too'. Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say 'it's always the last place you look'. Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!

5. When people say while watching a film 'did you see that?'. No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6. People who ask 'Can I ask you a question?'.... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say 'life is short'. What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks 'Has the bus come yet?'. If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

10. People who go to a restaurant and start adding and subtracting ingredients, believing that it makes the dish tastes better. If you’re such a good cook, why don’t you eat at home asshole!!

n.b. It is proven that people who do such things end up eating at least a spit ora booger per dish. Never tell a cook how to cook, never be a funny with a waiter; both have access to your dish before you get to eat it.

* If you have something that you hate or that annoys you in people, please add it in your comment below and we will add it here.

Born with a Religion, born with limitations!

2011-03-16T18:28:00.003+02:00

Wiam Wahhab the chatter box

2011-03-16T15:36:00.003+02:00

Excuse my ignorance Mr. Wahhab, but are they worshiping women in Iran these days and I’m not aware!!

Alla ma3ak ya sheik Saad!

2011-03-15T12:14:00.004+02:00

Iza allah 3ata 3omor next 10, 14 or 17 of March baddo yishla7 il bantalon wiy...... yalli 3am bi 3azzib. W2iza bitdallo t3azbo, Naila Mouawwad 3arda khadameta!!

Al-Shaaeb youreed iskat il-bantalon!!

Our Ignorance is a fatal weapon!

2011-03-13T00:14:00.002+02:00

The age of miracles!! عصر المعجزات

2011-03-12T14:41:00.002+02:00

(للجهلة والعونيين الرجاء اللجوء للنص العربي او الإستعانة بصديق)
During my lifetime I have witnessed three miracles.خلال حياتي شاهدت ثلاثة معجزات
- A woman getting pregnant without sex.امرأة حامل من دون ممارسة الجنس
- An illiterate man writing a holy book.رجل أمي أقدم على كتابة كتاب مقدس
- A stubborn, old fashioned thief whose main concern is Reform and change.
رجل لص، عنيد، قديم الطراز شاغله الرئيسي هو الإصلاح والتغيير

We are all 14 of March

2011-03-10T23:57:00.004+02:00

Religion is just a Constitution.

2011-03-08T20:24:00.002+02:00

Religion is just a Constitution; tell me how many Muslims & how many Christians are in the image above and I will follow your religion no questions asked. Guess how many Girls and how many boys and I might even start believing in “God”.

Lebanese Terminology

2011-03-05T18:25:00.004+02:00

Delusional متوهم de•lu•sion [dih-loo-zhuh n]
a fixed false belief that is resistant to reason or confrontation with actual fact: a paranoid delusion.
Example: Michel Aoun. Thinks all Christians are with him and more than half the Lebanese. Moammar Qaddafi anyone?

Hypocrite منافق hyp•o•crite [hip-uh-krit]
a person who feigns some desirable or publicly approved attitude, especially one whose private life, opinions, or statements contradict his or her public statements.
Example: Nabih Berri. He disapproves of Moammar Qaddafi and calls for the transfer of power, yet has been Head of Amal party for 32 consecutive years and Speaker of the Parliament for 20 consecutive years and more to come.

Enemy عدو en•e•my [en-uh-mee]
enemies, persons, nations, etc., that are hostile to one another: Let's make up and stop being enemies.
Example: Israel confiscated 25% of Lebanon for 22 years, stole Lebanon’s water, killed Lebanese citizens, kidnapped Lebanese citizens but released all now.

Friend صديق fr•ie•nd [frend]
a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile: Who goes there? Friend or foe?
Example: Syria, confiscated 50% of Lebanon for 30 years, killed Lebanese citizens, stole from Lebanon billions of USD, kidnapped Lebanese most of whom are still in Syrian jails.

Double standards معايير مزدوجة –noun
any code or set of principles containing different provisions for one group of people than for another, especially an unwritten code of sexual behavior permitting men more freedom than women. Compare single standard
Example: Israel’s the enemy and you’re a traitor if you say the opposite which makes sense, while Syria is our ally and you can’t say the opposite otherwise you are a traitor.

Patriot وطني pa•tri•ot [pey-tree-uh t, -ot or, especially Brit., pa-tree-uh t] –noun
a person who loves, supports, and defends his or her country and its interests with devotion.
Example: No Body

Principle مبدأ [prin-suh-puh l]
guiding sense of the requirements and obligations of right conduct: a person of principle.
Example: Samir Geagea was against Syrians and had to go to jail because of his principles. He came out and still is against Syrians. Whereas Walid Jumblat’s principles resemble a Ferris Wheel & Michel Aoun’s depend on who could make him president.

Liar كاذب li•ar [lahy-er]
a person who tells lies.
Example: Walid Jumblat

Kharouf خروف kha•rou•f [ka-r-uf]
a meek, unimaginative, or easily led person.
Example: Lebanese people

Resistance مقاومة re•sist•ance [ri-zis-tuh ns]
an underground organization composed of groups of private individuals from the same nationality with different religions working as an opposition force in a conquered country to overthrow the occupying power, usually by acts of sabotage, guerrilla warfare, etc.
The resistance shall not stop its exercise until all the territories are free, at that exact moment it stops to exist otherwise it becomes against order militia (Traitors). At any given time the resistance stops action it is considered dead, or an ally to the conqueror.
Example: Hizbullah, (Al-Mukawama Al-Islamiah Al-tabi3a li Iran) four years no action and Lebanon is still under occupation (Mazeri3 Shib3a). NO COMMENT!!

Traitorخائن trai•tor [trey-ter]
a person who betrays another, a cause, or any trust.
Example: Hassan Nasrallah is capable of reaching Al-Jalil and kick Israel’s ass, Ahmadi Nejad can make Israel disappear, but both don’t have the time! They have something more important, maybe later!!

Asshole بخش الطيز ass•hole [as-hohl]
a stupid, mean, or contemptible person.
Example: Me, knowing all that, and I still have hope to find someone wise enough to tell his leader to fuck off!!

Power of the People

2011-02-23T16:06:00.007+02:00

1- Iraq: Saddam Hussein Abd al-Majid al-Tikriti (1979 – 2003) 24 Years
2- Palestine: Mohammed Yasser Abdel Rahman Abdel Raouf Arafat (1959 – 2004) 45 Years
3- Tunisia: Zine El Abidine Ben Ali (1987 – 2011) 34 Years
4- Egypt: Muhammad Hosni Sayyid Mubarak (1981 – 2011) 30 Years
5- Libya: Muammar Abu Minyar al-Gaddafi (1969 – 2011) 42 Years
6- Yemen: Ali Abdullah Saleh (1994 – 2011) 17 Years
7- Algeria: Abdelaziz Bouteflika (1999 – 2011) 12 Years
8- Syria: Assad Family (1970 – 2011) 41 Years
9- Sudan: Omar Hassan Ahmad al-Bashir (1989 – 2011) 22 Years
10- Djibouti: Ismaïl Omar Guelleh (1999 – 2011) 12 Years
11- Mauretania: Mohamed Ould Abdel Aziz (2005 – 2011) 6 Years
12- Bahrain: Al Khalifa family (1971 – 2011) 40 Years
13- Jordan: Al-Hussein family (1951 – 2011) 60 Years
14- UAE: Al Nahyan family (1855 – 2011) 156 Years
15- Qatar: Al Thani family (1825 – 2011) 186 Years
16- Kuwait: Al Sabah family (1751 – 2011) 260 Years
17- KSA: Al Saud family (1744 – 2011) 267 Years
18- Somalia: Sharif Ahmed (2009 – 2011) 2 Years
19- Oman: Al Said (since 18th Century)
20- Morocco: (since 17th Century )
21- Lebanon:
a. Maronites: Samir Farid Geagea (1986 – 2011) 25 years - 11 in jail since he was the only one to pay his debts to the nation,
Michel Naim Aoun (1988 – 2011) 23 Years – 15 Years in France living a luxurious life while his people are being treated like dogs.
b. Druz: Jumblat family (1943 – 2011) 68 Years
c. Shiite: Nabih Mustapha Birri (1984 – 2011) 30 Years,
Hasan Abdelkarim Nasrallah (1992 – 2011) 19 Years
d. Sunni: Harriri family (1992 – 2011) 19 Years

Being in power in the Arab world is a sickness with no medicine. It is a combination of 55% Alzheimer, 25% inferiority complex & 20% stupidity. Arab leaders go with the saying: “You would be an ass if you have a donkey and you don’t ride it 24/7/365”. I have a dream that one day an Arab leader would willingly leave his post as a King, Prince, President, Prime Minister or a Speaker of Parliament, and not due to death of natural causes, assassination, or a revolution killing the people he was supposed to be protecting. Amazing how leaders thrown down, and others soon to follow, are all 99.9% sure that their people are all with them and then those same people are the ones who will demand that they leave, destroy their statues and pictures and spit on them as soon as they leave. Arab leaders & Arab people wake up, (حاج تلحسو المبرد).

As for the Lebanese people, how can you live your life while knowing from day one that you have limitations for your ambitions?

- You can’t be a president or an army commander if you’re not a Christian maronite!
- You can’t be a prime minister if you’re not a sunni!
- You can’t be speaker of parliament if you’re not a shiite!
- You can’t be a Member of the Parliament unless you are loyal to one of the leading parties!
- You can’t be a part of the Islamic resistance against Israel unless you are a Shiite with Hezbollah!
- You can’t carry a weapon and use it on your fellow Lebanese unless you are a Shiite with Hezbollah!
- You can’t be a Lebanese unless you are a sheep and following one of your religious leaders, no questions asked!
- You can’t offend Hezbollah because it means you’re offending the resistance; since they are one entity. But when Hezbollah uses his weapons against other Lebanese, you can’t accuse the resistance, because they are different entities!
- You can’t mock any religious figure because they are “religious”, and 90% of their time is talking politics on TVs!
If this is the way, and since 50% of Lebanese people are ok with it as “statistics” show, and since nobody wants to revolt, I would like to invite the other 50% to start a new Christian resistance with arms to “fight Israel” and maybe even liberate Al-Kudus.
And if anyone thinks that’s wrong then those are traitors working with Israel, so simple.

The Vagina

2011-02-19T12:24:00.001+02:00

In 1921, the world famous Austrian gynecologist, Dr. Hermann Otto Kloepneckler. M.D. Ph.D. published the following:
“The best engine in the world is the vagina. It can be started with one finger. It is self-lubricating. It takes any size piston. And it changes its own oil every four weeks. It is only a pity that the management system is so fucking temperamental.”

A Fart Song

2011-02-12T20:02:00.000+02:00

A fart is a pleasant thing; it gives the belly ease,
It warms the bed in winter, and suffocates the fleas.

A fart can be quiet; a fart can be loud,
Some leave a powerful, Poisonous cloud

A fart can be short, or a fart can be long,
Some farts have been known to sound like a song......

A fart can create a most curious medley;
A fart can be harmless, or silent, and deadly.

A fart might not smell, while others are vile,
A fart may pass quickly, or linger a while......

A fart can occur in a number of places,
and leave everyone there, with strange looks on their faces.
From wide-open prairie, to small elevators,
A fart will find all of us sooner or later.

But farts are all bad, is simply not true
We must never forget....... Sweet old farts like you!

Hussnie Moubarak Jokes

2011-02-06T13:48:00.001+02:00

طلب وزير الداخليه من حسني مبارك ان يكتب رسالة وداع للشعب المصري
فرد عليه : ليه هم رايحين فين؟
الرئيس المصري حسني مبارك يحرق نفسة امام القصر الرئاسي مطالبا بتغيير الشعب
حسني مبارك يرسل لشعبه بالاذاعه أغنيه: اخصمك أآآآه ,,,, اسيبك لالالالالا ااااا
اثنين مصريين محششين بالمظاهرات المصرية
الاول بحكي للثاني : طيب إذا أحنا كسبنا وأسقطنا الحكومة شو بصير !!؟?
الثاني : بنلعب مع تونس على النهائي

Bank Audi

2011-01-25T18:26:00.002+02:00

هي شو؟
هيدي رصاصة... خليتا من أول سلاح حملتو، كلشنكوف؟
اي بكلشنكوف كنا ندرز البلد كلّها
عل19 جبت دبابة و شكلت أول مجموعة كنت اّخد عمك نجيب و نروح عالبرج و نعمل رماية ونقنص عالعالم، وقت صرت قائد ميليشيا أخدت أمك خطيفة اييية احتفلنا بالملجأ،كانت أيام حلوة ما كنا مدنية بس مليشيات،نروح كنا نقنص نقوص، تقوص؟
أنا يلي كنت قوص،نقوص لوج الصبح ونسرب عالمتراس رأساّ.
هي...هيدي تاركها لأني أكيد رح يجي نهار ترجع الرصاصة تحكي

Walid Jumblat most recent facebook activities

2011-01-25T13:19:00.000+02:00

Walid is now friend with Hassan Nasrallah, Ahmadi Najad, Bashar Asad and 2 other friends
Walid and 65 other friends likes basher status “Lebanon here I come”
Walid wrote on the wall of the 14 March “so long suckers”
Walid left the group 14 March
Walid joined the group 8 March
Walid wrote on the group 8 March wall “nice group guys”
Walid fucked: Taymour, Aslan, Dalia (they became wled kalb), Kamal Jumblat heritage, Kamal Jumblat memory (yalli khallaf mitil walid met w shibi3 mot), good PSP candidates, Good Druze, lots of Martyrs, Good Sunnis, Good Christians, Saad Hariri, Najib Mikati, Mohamad Safadi, Ghazi Aridi (they won’t see it anymore), and last but not least himself, so no need to say anymore FUCK YOU WALID BEIK!!

Saad ma Sa2at!!

2011-01-25T12:43:00.001+02:00

هيدا سعد. سعد ماسقط، سعد كبر وصار رئيس وزارة. وإنت من خلال حرق دواليب فيك تردوعالسرايا

ب20000 ليرة بس شتري دولاب وحرقو زي ما هو

Lebanese Political Chart (Direction)

2011-01-22T16:55:00.000+02:00

lebanese Political Chart (Credit)

2011-01-22T16:51:00.003+02:00

Saad Hariri 2, Judgement Day

2011-01-20T21:18:00.001+02:00

Saad Hariri, I'll be back!

2011-01-20T21:15:00.002+02:00

WIKI NASRALLAH!!

2011-01-11T15:00:00.002+02:00

Walid Beik Jumblat, Shut the fuck up!!

2010-12-20T17:04:00.002+02:00

الى وليد جنبلاط: بالله عليك.... أصمت

بالله عليك أصمت!! اتّقِ الله و ا صمت!! حتى الدرك له قعرٌ يتوقف عنده!
كان اسمك متداولاً على لائحة التصفيات مع الرئيس الحريري بعد ال 1559 فسقط الحريري و انتابك الهلع فكنت أولّ من أطلق شعارات الاتهام المباشر و الحقد باتجاه سوريا و حزب الله و حرضّت كل من آمن بانتفاضة استقلال 2005 على الذهاب الى الآخر!
عندما لم تستجب الولايات المتحدة لمطلبك تغيير النظام في سوريا و اكتفت بفرض تغيير السلوك، استسلمت و بدأت استدارتك التقهقرية و انتقلنا من الاقرار بعد سكوت عشرين سنة بأنّ سوريا اغتالت والدك كمال بك جنبلاط ، الى السماح من دون النسيان ، الى السماح و النسيان و الامتناع عن وضع وردة حمراء على ضريح الشهيد
بالامس عشنا هاجس اقترابك من الستين ( و نحن نتمنى لك العمر المديد!) و خوفك من أن تلقى مصير والدك الذي استشهد في الستين، فخفت من تكرار 7 أيار و استباحة حزب الله لأهلك في الجبل، خفت على ابنك تيمور، فاستسلمت و نكرت ذاتك و قيادتك لمسيرة 14 آذار و اعتبرتها ساعة تخليّ ووصفت المحكمة بالمسيّسة و دست على دماء و عذابات صديقك مروان حمادة!!!
بالله عليك! هل أنت مقتنع بأن تيمور راضٍ عن هذه الانقلابة التي أصابته بالدوار! هل أنت مقتنع بأنّ نورا التي أطعمت الشباب بأيديها في خيم ساحة الحرية مقتنعة بهواجس الانهيار! هل أنت مقتنع بأنّ أهل الجبل أهل الشهامة و الكبر، ألعوبة بين يديك ترضى بالانكسار، و لمجرّد أنها تحترم زعامتك تأخذها أنىّ تشاء و تفرض عليها طأطأة الرأس بذريعة خوفك عليها و على وجودها!!!
بالله عليك أصمت!! كفاك إذلالاً!! أصمت!!
كيف طاوعك قلبك و أنت في حضرة جيزيل زوجة الشهيد سمير قصير على شاشة العربية أن تغمس خنجرك في صدرها و تتنكّر لقضية نبيلة كنت لوْلَبَها، فإذا بك تنعتها بصفاتٍ تخوينية و بالأداة العميلة!!!
بالله عليك أصمت!! أنت حرٌّ بنفسك لكنكّ لست حراً بناسك و بمحبيّك و بشهدائك!!
اتقّ الله و اصمت!! توقفّ عن الحفر في الجورة التي خبأّت رأسك فيها كي لا تستمرّ في الانحدار و الغرق...

مي شدياق

Home | Shankaboot

2010-11-18T18:17:00.000+02:00

Home | Shankaboot

NEW SERVICE IN LEBANON

2010-09-23T13:25:00.001+03:00

In order to boost Tourism, since it became almost the only way to make money in Lebanon, a new service was introduce recently: VISA (In less than 24hrs) - TICKETS (1st Class) - AIRPORT PICK UP (No check points) - ESCORT (Premium Cars, tinted glass) - ACCOMMODATION & TV INTERVIEWS (In the special guest lounge).
For more information. CALL: 800-HIZBULLAH or 800-HARIRI (Welcome to Lebanon and enjoy your stay)
n.b. We know exactly where you are no need for a name card!!

A DAMN FINE EXPLANATION

2010-04-19T10:52:00.000+03:00

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.

And she was upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!'

> And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened.'

'Go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'

And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight.

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair of the same.'

The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help, that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said,

'Please .... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?

Saad Hariri & Michel Faroun

2010-04-15T18:04:00.001+03:00

Microsoft vs GM

2010-04-08T17:42:00.001+03:00

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated,
'If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.'
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash........
Twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single 'This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation' warning light.
I love the next one!!!
7. The airbag system would ask 'Are you sure?' before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10. You'd have to press the 'Start' button to turn the engine off.

Job Opportunity

2010-04-08T13:42:00.000+03:00

A man went into the Job Centre and saw a card advertising for a Gynaecologist's Assistant. Interested, he went in and asked the clerk for details.
The clerk pulled up the file and read;
"The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynaecologist. You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off their pubic hair, then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynaecologist's examination. The annual salary is £65,000, and if you're interested you'll have to go to Albany
"My God, is that where the job is?" asked the man.
She answered,
"No sir, that's where the end of the queue is right now."

Aouni Khara!!

2010-04-07T15:59:00.002+03:00

Jagalna, Jagalna Bitrabo Jagalna!!

2009-11-24T17:05:00.001+02:00

DRUZE GRAVE

2009-07-15T21:54:00.001+03:00

BROWN, THE NEW AOUNI COLOR

2009-06-23T22:58:00.001+03:00

Two ladies, 1 from Ashrafieh, and 1 from Mazraa were having their morning coffee. The first one is with “AOUN”, and the second one is with “FUTURE”.The "Aoun" lady told her friend: "My son, now, hates everything related to the blue color. He refuses to wear his blue t-shirts, his blue swimming suit, and also he refuses to go to the sea because it’s blue or even look to the sky".
So the "Future" lady asked her: "Does he like the brown color?” She answered: "Yes" Then the "Future" lady replied: "Eh khali, yekol khara”!!!!

AOUNI ASS-HOLES

2009-06-16T18:26:00.000+03:00

Two Aouni businessmen in Kiserwen were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with no stock and only a few shelves set up. One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some idiot Kuwatjy is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling. No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Kuwatjy walked to the window, had a peek, and asked 'What you sell?'One of the men replied sarcastically, 'We're selling ass-holes'. Without skipping a beat, the Kuwatjy said, 'You are doing very well, only two left!'

Soi Belle et Tais Toi!

2009-06-09T22:19:00.002+03:00

THE MAJORITY IS OURS, WilBEHM AZRA2!

2009-06-07T20:01:00.002+03:00

BEFORE YOU VOTE, REMEMBER!

2009-06-04T23:54:00.002+03:00

8 OF MARCH NEW GOVERNMENT!

2009-06-04T14:33:00.001+03:00

A FINE LINE STANDS BETWEEN THE PROBLEM & THE SOLUTION!

2009-06-03T15:48:00.003+03:00

ثبُت سياسيًّا أنّ الكلسون أبو خيط هو أفضل شعار للديمقراطية لأنه

يفرّق اليمين عن اليسار- يُبرز الكُتلتَيْن- يهتمّ بالوسط- يوحّد أنظار الشعب

ALLAH LA Y2ADDIR!

2009-06-03T09:54:00.003+03:00

THE FATAL LEBANESE!

2009-06-02T12:06:00.003+03:00

Even Oranges hate themselves now!

2009-06-01T23:14:00.002+03:00

Route 2009! Your choice, Your Future.

2009-05-25T12:13:00.002+03:00

wa iza akramta al la2ima tamarrada!!

2009-05-15T15:33:00.001+03:00

Jarban Embessil contradicting himself!

2009-05-11T23:37:00.003+03:00

Who not to vote for!

2009-03-31T11:41:00.003+03:00

سألني صديقي: هل ستنتخب؟

أجبته: أكيد

قال: هنالك زحمة مرشحين ، لمن تنصحني أن أصوّت ؟

قلت: لن أقول لك لمن تصوّت ولكن يمكن أن أنصحك لمن لا تصوّت

ضحك وقال: هات ما عندك من نصائح

:قلت له

لا تنتخب من وعدك بالدفاع عنك وفرّ وتركك وحيداً تواجه العدو

لا تنتخب من وعدك بأن لا سلاح خارج الشرعية وهو اليوم يتحالف مع كل سلاح خارج الشرعية

لا تنتخب من خدعك بشعارات التحرير وكسر الرؤوس وهزّ المسامير وهو اليوم مسمار العدو الأول في قلب الوطن

لا تنتخب من يقول أنّه حرّ وقراره حرّ ولا يجرؤ على تسمية مرشحيه إلّا حيث يسمح له أسياده

لا تنتخب من يزرع الفتن والحقد والكره في المجتمع المسيحي

لا تنتخب من يفبرك الشائعات ويزوّر الحقائق ويحوّر الوقائع

لا تنتخب من خان الشهداء وتنكّر للأسرى في سجون البعث وزحف الى بلاط الشام متسولاً الرضى

لا تنتخب من يحرق وطنه ويهدد بتدميره مرة تلو مرة للوصول الى منصب أو كرسي

لا تنتخب الشتّام والمتوتر والكذّاب والمتلوّن لا تنتخب من يتطاول على الكنيسة ورموزها

لا تنتخب من يعيش على نكء الجراح وعلى النعرات الطائفية لا تنتخب من جرّبته سابقاً فأحرق الوطن وجرّبته اليوم فأحرق الوطن

لا تنتخب من يكرر إسطوانة مكافحة الفساد وهو كالعاهرة التي تحاضر في العفةّ

لا تنتخب من يتهم الضحايا بأنهم السبب وراء ضربهم ومقتلهم واغتيالهم فيما يبرّئ القاتل

لا تنتخب من حمّل مسؤولية اغتيال النقيب سامر حنا الى قيادة الجيش التي أرسلته بالطوافة العسكرية الى منطقة جزين

لا تنتخب من لا يجرؤ على تحمّل مسؤولية أو يجرؤ على الإعتذار أو على نقد ذاتي

لا تنتخب من يعتبر نفسه إلهاً والناس قطيع ولدوا للذبح

BE A LEBANESE, BE A PATRIOT!

2009-03-30T19:29:00.001+03:00

THE SMART WIFE!

2009-03-19T19:53:00.000+02:00

The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.' I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!' Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12 Cuckoos (MIDNIGHT!) The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him 'MIDNIGHT'... he didn't seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo clock.' When I asked him why, he said, 'Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said 'oh shit.' Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.'

TWO WRONGS MAKE ONE RIGHT AND WISE!

2009-03-10T11:56:00.001+02:00

FREE SEX MY ASS!! A LEBANESE 5 YEAR FEASIBILITY STUDY (Best Case Senario)

2009-03-05T14:19:00.006+02:00

Inflow:
Ta3aruf: $2500 (Dinners $500, Clubbing $500, Gifts to her family $500, Gifts to her $500, Misc $500)
Khotbeh: $3000
Katebet Kteb: $30,000 (Moukadam Sadaka $10,000, Mouakhar Tala2 $ 20,000)
Pre-Marriage: $5000 (Tickets to & From Lebanon $ 2000, Intl. calls $1000, Gifts $2000)
Marriage: $20,000 (Dress, Jewelry, Hotel, F&B, Car, Flowers…)
Honey Moon: $6000
House Rent: $30,000 ($500/m)
Extra Car: $20,000
Extra Mobile: $3000
Clothes: $10,000
F&B: $15,000
Beauty: $47,000 (Hair $24,000, Make-Up & Beauty Products $12000, Nail Bar $6000, Gym$5000)
2 Children: $100,000 (Delivery, Milk, Pampers, Toys, Accommodations, Maid, Nursery, School, Clothes, Gifts, Birthday Parties)
Depreciation: $29,150

Outflow:
Sex: $320650/5 years– 18Months Pregnancy = $7634/Month – 1day PMS – 1 day tired – 1 day you are tired - 1 day she think you don’t love her anymore – 1 day she thinks you are cheating on her, you end up paying $305/Day to get laid with the same woman, and she is never satisfied!!

So tell me now, who the fuck is the smart ass who said that Marriage is SEX for free, for god sake Marriage is SEX with a Headache ya 7abibi so please add a box of Advil or any equivalent /month to your tab and good luck.

TAYYAR AL AOUNI 2009 CAMPAIGN SLOGAN

2009-02-28T18:38:00.000+02:00

A HUGE BREAK THROUGH

2009-02-27T14:11:00.002+02:00

Scientists finally discovered what's wrong with Michael Aoun's brain:
On the left side there's nothing right, on the right side there's nothing left.

PROUD TO BE LEBANESE!

2009-02-22T00:37:00.002+02:00

STATISTICS ABOUT LEBANON

1. Lebanon has 18 religious communities.

2. It has 40 daily newspapers, more than 80 magazines, 10 TV Stations, 17 Radio Stations.

3. It has 42 universities.

4. It has over 100 banks (That is banks and not branches of a bank).

5. 70% of the students are in private schools.

6. 92% of its population own Cellular phone. (The highest percent in the world).

7. Many of the Lebanese people are Christians (The highest percent in all the Arab countries).

8. There's 1 doctor per 10 people in Lebanon (In Europe & America, there's 1 doctor per 100 people).

9. The name LEBANON appears 75 times in the Old Testament.

10. The name CEDAR (Lebanon’s tree) appears 75 times too in the Old Testament!

11. Beirut was destroyed and rebuilt 9 times (this is why it's compared to The Phoenix).

12. There's 4 Million Lebanese in Lebanon.

13. There's around 15 Million Lebanese outside Lebanon!

OTHER INTERESTING FACTS

1. Lebanon, the country, was occupied by over 16 countries: (Egyptians-Hittites-Assyrians- Babylonians- Persians- Alexander the greats Army- the Roman Empire Byzantine- the Arabian Peninsula-The Crusaders- the Ottoman Empire- Britain-France- Israel- Syria).

2. Byblos (city in Lebanon) is the oldest, continuously living city in the world.

3. Lebanon’s name has been around for 4,000 years non- stop (it's the oldest country/ nation's name in the world!)

4. Lebanon is the only Asian country that doesn't have a desert.

5. There are 15 rivers in Lebanon (all of them coming from its own mountains).

6. Lebanon is one of the most populated countries in its archeological sites, in the world!

7. The first alphabet was created in Byblos (city in Lebanon).

8. The only remaining temple of Jupiter (the main Roman god) is in Baalbek, Lebanon (The City of the Sun).

9. The name of BYBLOS comes from the BIBLE!

10. Lebanon is the country that has the most books written about it.

11. Lebanon is the only non-dictatorial country in the Arab world (Yes, we do have a President!)12. Jesus Christ made his 1st miracle in Lebanon, in Qana (The miracle of turning water into wine).

13. The Phoenicians (Original People of Lebanon) built the 1st boat, and they were the first to sail ever!

14. Phoenicians also reached America long before Christopher Columbus did.

15. The 1st law school in the world was built in Lebanon, in Downtown Beirut.

16. People say that the cedars were planted by God's own hands (This is why they're called 'The Cedars of God', and this is why Lebanon is called 'God's Country on Earth.' I love Lebanon..... May God bless my homeland forever....

NEW CAR SEAT BELT

2009-02-17T12:46:00.003+02:00

This becomes effective June 1, 2009 in ALL Provinces.
The National Highway Safety Council has done extensive testing on a newly Designed seat belt. Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 95% when the belt is properly installed. Correct Installation is illustrated below.......

Please advise your family and friends.
This may help save a life!

Laid-Off Foreigners Flee as Dubai Spirals Down

2009-02-16T13:41:00.006+02:00

DUBAI, United Arab Emirates — Sofia, a 34-year-old Frenchwoman, moved here a year ago to take a job in advertising, so confident about Dubai’s fast-growing economy that she bought an apartment for almost $300,000 with a 15-year mortgage.

Now, like many of the foreign workers who make up 90 percent of the population here, she has been laid off and faces the prospect of being forced to leave this Persian Gulf city — or worse.

“I’m really scared of what could happen, because I bought property here,” said Sofia, who asked that her last name be withheld because she is still hunting for a new job. “If I can’t pay it off, I was told I could end up in debtors’ prison.”

With Dubai’s economy in free fall, newspapers have reported that more than 3,000 cars sit abandoned in the parking lot at the Dubai Airport, left by fleeing, debt-ridden foreigners (who could in fact be imprisoned if they failed to pay their bills). Some are said to have maxed-out credit cards inside and notes of apology taped to the windshield.

The government says the real number is much lower. But the stories contain at least a grain of truth: jobless people here lose their work visas and then must leave the country within a month. That in turn reduces spending, creates housing vacancies and lowers real estate prices, in a downward spiral that has left parts of Dubai — once hailed as the economic superpower of the Middle East — looking like a ghost town.

No one knows how bad things have become, though it is clear that tens of thousands have left, real estate prices have crashed and scores of Dubai’s major construction projects have been suspended or canceled. But with the government unwilling to provide data, rumors are bound to flourish, damaging confidence and further undermining the economy.

Instead of moving toward greater transparency, the emirates seem to be moving in the other direction. A new draft media law would make it a crime to damage the country’s reputation or economy, punishable by fines of up to 1 million dirhams (about $272,000). Some say it is already having a chilling effect on reporting about the crisis.

Last month, local newspapers reported that Dubai was canceling 1,500 work visas every day, citing unnamed government officials. Asked about the number, Humaid bin Dimas, a spokesman for Dubai’s Labor Ministry, said he would not confirm or deny it and refused to comment further. Some say the true figure is much higher.

“At the moment there is a readiness to believe the worst,” said Simon Williams, HSBC bank’s chief economist in Dubai. “And the limits on data make it difficult to counter the rumors.”
Some things are clear: real estate prices, which rose dramatically during Dubai’s six-year boom, have dropped 30 percent or more over the past two or three months in some parts of the city. Last week, Moody’s Investor’s Service announced that it might downgrade its ratings on six of Dubai’s most prominent state-owned companies, citing deterioration in the economic outlook. So many used luxury cars are for sale, they are sometimes sold for 40 percent less than the asking price two months ago, car dealers say. Dubai’s roads, usually thick with traffic at this time of year, are now mostly clear.

Some analysts say the crisis is likely to have long-lasting effects on the seven-member emirates federation, where Dubai has long played rebellious younger brother to oil-rich and more conservative Abu Dhabi. Dubai officials, swallowing their pride, have made clear that they would be open to a bailout, but so far Abu Dhabi has offered assistance only to its own banks.
“Why is Abu Dhabi allowing its neighbor to have its international reputation trashed, when it could bail out Dubai’s banks and restore confidence?” said Christopher M. Davidson, who predicted the current crisis in “Dubai: The Vulnerability of Success,” a book published last year. “Perhaps the plan is to centralize the U.A.E.” under Abu Dhabi’s control, he mused, in a move that would sharply curtail Dubai’s independence and perhaps change its signature freewheeling style.

For many foreigners, Dubai had seemed at first to be a refuge, relatively insulated from the panic that began hitting the rest of the world last autumn. The Persian Gulf is cushioned by vast oil and gas wealth, and some who lost jobs in New York and London began applying here.
But Dubai, unlike Abu Dhabi or nearby Qatar and Saudi Arabia, does not have its own oil, and had built its reputation on real estate, finance and tourism. Now, many expatriates here talk about Dubai as though it were a con game all along. Lurid rumors spread quickly: the Palm Jumeira, an artificial island that is one of this city’s trademark developments, is said to be sinking, and when you turn the faucets in the hotels built atop it, only cockroaches come out.
“Is it going to get better? They tell you that, but I don’t know what to believe anymore,” said Sofia, who still hopes to find a job before her time runs out. “People are really panicking quickly.”

Hamza Thiab, a 27-year-old Iraqi who moved here from Baghdad in 2005, lost his job with an engineering firm six weeks ago. He has until the end of February to find a job, or he must leave. “I’ve been looking for a new job for three months, and I’ve only had two interviews,” he said. “Before, you used to open up the papers here and see dozens of jobs. The minimum for a civil engineer with four years’ experience used to be 15,000 dirhams a month. Now, the maximum you’ll get is 8,000,” or about $2,000.

Mr. Thiab was sitting in a Costa Coffee Shop in the Ibn Battuta mall, where most of the customers seemed to be single men sitting alone, dolefully drinking coffee at midday. If he fails to find a job, he will have to go to Jordan, where he has family members — Iraq is still too dangerous, he says — though the situation is no better there. Before that, he will have to borrow money from his father to pay off the more than $12,000 he still owes on a bank loan for his Honda Civic. Iraqi friends bought fancier cars and are now, with no job, struggling to sell them.
“Before, so many of us were living a good life here,” Mr. Thiab said. “Now we cannot pay our loans. We are all just sleeping, smoking, drinking coffee and having headaches because of the situation.”

FATAL ATTRACTION

2009-02-10T13:24:00.001+02:00

Michel Aoun suspects his wife of cheating on him, sends Jubran Bassil out to buy him a gun. He goes to their furnished apartment unexpectedly, opens the door, and, sure enough, finds her naked in the arms of a 14th of March. Well, now he’s angry. He takes out the gun. But as he does so, he is overcome with grief and points the gun at his own head. The wife yells, "No, honey, don’t do it." "Shut up," he says. "You’re next."

ZOUZOU & THE AOUN FANS

2009-01-31T14:14:00.000+02:00

A teacher in Zahle, Lebanon asked her 6th grade class how many of them were AOUN fans.
Not really knowing what a AOUN fan was, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Zouzou.
The teacher asked Little Zouzou why he decided to be different... again.
Little Zouzou said, 'Because I'm not a AOUN fan.
The teacher said, 'Why aren't you a AOUN fan?
Zouzou said, 'Because I'm OUWWET.
The teacher asked why he's OUWWET?
Little Zouzou answered, 'Well, my Mom's OUWWET and my Dad's TOO, so I'm OUWWET
The teacher asks, 'If your Mom was a moron, and your Dad was an idiot, what would that make you?
With a big smile, Little Zouzou replied, 'That would make me a AOUN fan.

اعرف شخصيتك من ضرطتك

2009-01-29T12:13:00.002+02:00

تضرط لوحدك بالحمام = انطوائي
تضرط وتعترف = صريح
تحب تشتم ضرطت غيرك = أجتماعي
تحاول تكتم الضرطه = حساس
تضرط بصوت عالي = متمكن
تضرط وتتهم غيرك = نذل
تضل تضرط فترة طويلة = سخيف
تضرط قدام بنات حلوات = شجاع
تضرط حتى لو عندك اسهال = متهور
تضرط و أنت واقف = مسيطر
تضرط و أنت مقلص = عنيف
تضرط قدام الوالد = ديمقراطي
تحاول تاخذ وضعية عند الضرطة = غير منصف
تضرط وعندك بواسير = مقرف
تضرط بالامتحان = تريد أتغش
تضرط بمكان مغلق وتخنق الناس = أرهابي
تضرط بدون صوت = رومانسي
تحب تشتم ضرطتك = مغرور
تضرط ضرطة متقطعة = خجول
ما يعجبك تضرط = فارغ
تحاول تضرط بس متعرف = غير متمرس
تضرط عمداً بالمصعد = لئيم

عزيزتي المواطنة اللبنانية

2009-01-29T12:08:00.000+02:00

لا تجعلي مشاغل الحياة تسرقك من نفسك ومن زوجك، أعيدي الشباب لعلاقتك الزوجية؛ أطفئي أضواء الكهرباء واستقبليه بشمعة في يدك، أزرعي بيتك بالشموع الحمراء والصفراء، أعدّي له عشاء رومانسيا على ضوء الشموع، اطفئي المكيّفات واجعليه يلجأ الى دفء احضانك، اطفئي التلفاز ولا تدعيه يتذرّع بالأخبار، لا تتيحي له مقارنتك بهيفا أو نانسي، استغني عن الميكروويف لتحميه من روائح الطبخ وارحميه من ضجيج الغسالة الكهربائية ولكي تشعريه بقدر من الإهتمام وبمعاناتك من أجله استخدمي المكواة القديمة التي تحمّى على بابور الكاز لكوي ملابسه، عوّديه على المشي معك يداَ بيد في ردهات المنزل وسط الظلام الدامس
مع تحيات كهرباء لبنان